Tuesday, March 5, 2013

I will remember you....

I will remember you, will you remember me? Don't let your life pass you by ~ Weep not for the memories ~Sarah McLachlan

It’s been one year. One year since the original Big Susan joined my mother in the big kitchen in the sky. I know you’re saying “kitchen?” – well, yes, kitchen.  My greatest memories are of Big Susan and my mom doing something in the kitchen – roasting chicken, making brisket, making chicken, tuna or salmon salad (where Big Susan would leave the onions out because Andy doesn’t like them – my mother would never have done that for one of her kids) or doing the dishes.  They seemed to reach a special level of contentment when around one another and I always found comfort in that.

I know this year has been a hard one.  Defining a new normal without her has been painful.  I know they each miss her in their own way and each person’s grief is different. I know the ache to hear the voice one more time, to see a smile, hear a laugh or hold a hand.

Mom and Big Susan – you still inspire me. My friends are more important to me today than yesterday or the day before.  I tell mini-me your stories and she looks at your pictures.  She sees pictures of the kids and the grandkids – she knows their names and knows that a visit back home won’t be complete without seeing whoever is in town.  She knows you were “besties” – she knows why friends are so important.

Rona – if I can face life’s challenges with half your grace and humor I will be lucky.  I hope you can hear the crazy ass conversations we have in my head. I miss you madly.

To those friends who have faded from my life for one reason or another – I choose to remember what we laughed about.   Whatever reason drove us apart happened for a reason. I choose to take the lesson learned – as hard as it may have been – as just another way for me to become wiser and truly be the kind of friend I would want in return. For that I will be grateful.

So, on this special anniversary, remember your friends who are not with you anymore. Don’t think about the loss or the pain associated with it.  Don’t linger on the “what-ifs” or “what might have beens.”  Don’t second guess decisions or choices that were made.  Don’t re-hash that last disagreement or remember the annoying trait. Don’t think about that last fight – the one that made you stop being friends.

Remember what made the two of you laugh. Remember a lesson learned and what made you a wee bit smarter. Remember the first moment when you realized you would be friends – and that time you knew you were best friends – that you had found your Big Susan.  Think about the crazy conversations or the trouble you got into together.  Smile at the one thing that always makes you think of that person.

Today, remember why you were friends in the first place.  And, pay it forward.

Francine Wolf Fox, 1931 - 2009
Susan Shapiro Schlosser, 1931-2012
Rona Diane Majower, 1964 - 1999

Remembering all our memories, and it’s times like these that I miss you most, remembering when we were so close. ~ Unknown

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