Not all of my friends are the same. We like different music, different foods, different clothes, different hobbies, different parenting styles and different ideas about vacation and camping.
T can’t imagine a closet without a solid selection of classic white blouses; she made me buy one once and it sat in my closet for years – with the tags still on it. She is always pulled together, can wear high heels all day and I can pick out a dress for her a hot minute. I am…..not like that but she can pick stuff out for me and she is the best gift giver ever – she always knows what I like. We are wildly different.
Some of my friends (okay, many of my friends) are big readers and we recommend books all the time; others have no interest. Some friends swear The Secret History by Donna Tartt is one of the best books ever, though reading it was painful for me. I can watch The Food Network like porn while D likely pays extra for ninety bazillion ESPN options. We are wildly different and that’s all good.
We are different religions. I stood up for L at her full Catholic mass wedding (in a dress with a giant bow on my ass and a crinoline) and she helped honor mini-me when she became a Bat Mitzvah. I have celebrated Easter with friends who then join me at the table for Passover.
Historically, I have had friends on both sides of the aisle. In fact, T and I had many a conversation about our different perspectives (perspectives are far more aligned these days.) We listened, we learned. With many friends – we wanted similar things but the method of getting there varied. Today, the political differences are so difficult.
I have many friends that just want the election to be over so they are no longer inundated with ads, signs, commercials, and calls - it’s been overwhelming and exhausting. I get that. They just want people to go back to being friends and neighbors with different political views. It’s a lovely sentiment and one given from an extreme place of privilege. In today’s climate, people feel unsafe. They feel threatened. Their rights are threatened. They are afraid for their children. They are afraid to be in their house of worship, hold hands with their spouse or loved one or send their children out without them.
I recently mentioned to a friend that I don’t often wear my Star of David (Jewish star) necklace these days. I live in a very conservative area where tempers are short, the bullies travel in packs, the public shaming on social media is swift and unrelenting and the hateful rhetoric has been given a national (and international) platform that is supported by the administration. What a privilege for me to be able to take off that necklace and hide the identity that so many people hate – just so I feel a wee bit safer. My black and brown friends don’t have that privilege. My friends in the LGBTQIA+ community don’t have that privilege. My Muslim friends don’t have that privilege.
So, before you wax poetic about today’s politics just being a difference opinion, remember that just because something isn’t a problem for you – doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem. Just because you’re not afraid for your life, doesn’t mean your friends and neighbors aren’t. Just because you are free to practice your religion or love without fear, doesn’t mean everyone can. Just because your interactions with law enforcement have ended peacefully, don’t assume the same behavior from someone with black or brown skin will have the same experience. The day after the election may be back to business for you – but it also represents something very different for so many other people.
As a Jew, I am astonished this kind of divisive rhetoric is coming from a government – the American government. It reeks of our past and I’m horrified at hearing the same dismissal of the administration’s behavior and divisive rhetoric. And before you tell me that I’m misunderstanding – you don’t get to decide what’s offensive or hurtful to minority groups. That is also a privilege. But as a Jew, when I’m around friends or at a gathering with people who vote very differently than I do, I often wonder, “Will you hide me or my daughter?”, “Will you defend me in the face of the unspeakable evil that spews forth from the administration or its supporters?” I am afraid. I know that fear will morph into something else if I need to defend myself – or one of my friends – or a total stranger. I will not stand idly by. Will you?
I don’t expect my friends to all have the same political opinion and I have no issue with that. But we are talking about things bigger than politics right now. We are talking about things more important than the stock market. This is an issue of human rights, of human decency, of a moral (NOT RELIGIOUS) compass that is so off kilter that people are dying, people are separated from their families, children are orphaned, and Americans are living in fear. This is about the calls for and in support of white supremacy and violence. This is an issue about a level of hypocrisy and privilege being extended to the administration the likes of which have not been seen and would NEVER be extended to a person of color (Imagine the outrage if Obama said even one of the inflammatory things the current administration has said.) This is about an administration that has no interest in representing all Americans – but only those that support those same inhumane views.
I love my country. I love being an American and I believe this country has truly amazing things to offer its citizens and those hoping and trying to be citizens. I resent the division and hate being spewed forth and I resent that one party has tried to co-opt patriotism for their own use and tell me that because I disagree, I am not a good American and should just leave. The beauty of this country is the separation of Church and State, freedom of religion and the idea - if not the practice - that all men (and women) are created equal.
So, while I am sure I will always have friends that sit on both sides of the aisle, I can’t pretend things haven’t changed. I have lost friends because of this administration. I have seen friends struggle with familial relationships and I’ve seen people leave jobs because of it. Yes, I have had conversations – civil conversations to try and understand. But, at the end of the day, the racism, xenophobia, sexism, anti-Semitism, white supremacy, complete disregard for science, data, facts and rules – simply don’t matter enough to those individuals.
It’s not about a difference in policy perspective – it’s about a difference in humanity.
