tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11478803421654370382024-03-12T17:03:30.095-07:00Who is your Big Susan?This blog celebrates friendship in all its crazy, unexpected, funny, dramatic and wildly important forms. It is dedicated to my mom and the original Big Susan, both of whom taught me the meaning of friendship.Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.comBlogger108125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-59039126297708563312022-06-27T10:47:00.000-07:002022-06-27T10:47:13.144-07:00A woman's place<p> <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</p><p class="MsoNormal">Today is a hard day for many reasons.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> As an American woman and as a human being, I have less
rights today than I did last Monday. This country sees me as less valuable,
less of a citizen and less capable – along with more than 50% of our population.
As a Jewish woman, this country has determined that my religious beliefs should
be secondary to theirs and that my life – along with the lives of all other
women – should be governed by their theocratic beliefs despite this country
being founded on the separation of church and state.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">An American wielding a gun – a weapon of death – has more
rights than I do as a female human being. This was deemed so important that
states should not be permitted to make their own laws. A corpse, from whom you
cannot remove an organ to save a life without permission – has more rights than
an American woman. But a rape survivor will be forced to carry and birth a
child and possibly (depending on state), co-parent with her rapist, or God
forbid, pay him child support. A victim of molestation will be forced to birth
the child of their molester – be it a stranger or family member. A woman,
facing an unwanted, unplanned or dangerous pregnancy is forced to birth a child
as nothing more than an incubator for the state. There are more than 400K
children in foster care in the US; of those, more than 115,000 are available
for adoption. This does not include those that may be available for adoption but
not in the system. Adoption is not the answer.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The maternal mortality rate in the US is among the highest among
developed countries. In 2020, it was determined that the US material mortality
rate was more than double the recent rates of most other developed counties. The
numbers go up significantly for women of color; their death rate is three time
higher than white woman and three times higher than Hispanic woman. However,
Hispanic woman are seeing the largest increase in maternal death.<a href="#_ftn1" name="_ftnref1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a> Racial
inequities play a huge role in pregnancy care – Black women are three to four
times more likely to die of pregnancy-related death than non-Hispanic white
women. <a href="#_ftn2" name="_ftnref2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 11.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, today is a sad day. I, along with every other American
woman, have far fewer rights than we did 23 years ago. Twenty-three years ago,
Rona died. A horrible and debilitating illness killed her – despite her access
to excellent healthcare. And let’s be clear, despite her access to care – she had
to fight tooth and nail for every treatment and every procedure. This includes
one procedure that required the board approval from the local Catholic hospital
because it was considered birth control – even though the hemorrhaging was killing
her. Religious ideology was more important and took precedence over her
physical well-being. I think of how many others could not – cannot – even access
what she fought for on a daily basis. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Twenty-three years ago, she lived in a world where she had more
control over her body than her friends, her family have today. She wasn’t
overly political – she was deeply rooted in her Judaism and the idea that we
are becoming a theocracy would have hurt her to the bone. It would have scared
her. It scares the shit out of me.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">So, today – on the 23<sup>rd</sup> anniversary of her death
- 23 years of remembering her whenever I come across our inside jokes, a rerun
of I Love Lucy, see hard shell crabs or think of the beach. 23 years of finding
myself a bit sadder on one day at the end of June and early November. 17 years of
wondering what she would think of Jillian, who bears her Hebrew name. Today,
though I miss her – I am grateful she isn’t here to see this. As I am grateful
my mother and my grandmother are not here to see this. Intelligent, strong and resilient
women who believed strongly in a woman’s right to choose. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Years ago, when the HPV vaccine first came out, I found my
mother crying as she was watching the news coverage about the vaccine. When I
asked her why, she said, “In my lifetime, I never thought there would be a way
to prevent cancer.” She would have readily taken that vaccine and had her
daughters do the same. Because healthcare for woman is never a priority. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Even further back, I was talking with my grandmother about
her days as a dancer and I remember her telling me how the dance troupes were
like a family and for many in the troupe, their own families no longer wanted
them. She was a staunch believer in choice and gay rights long before it was a
more common topic of conversation. She saw first-hand what happens when people
don’t have freedoms.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Just over 50 years ago, my parents divorced. It was not an
amicable situation. Despite this, my father had to go with my mother to the
bank and give consent for her to get her own credit card and help her get an
apartment. Because a divorced woman was not trustworthy enough.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">40 years ago this month, <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2018/09/do-you-believe-me.html">I
was sexually assaulted</a>. I told almost no one. I wouldn’t have been believed
because a woman’s truth weighs less than a man’s actions.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">27 years ago, I was part of the leadership of a large
nonprofit. While working on the annual budget, a male director had the balls to
suggest one of his male employees get a bigger raise than the single woman on
his team because said employee and his wife were expecting their third child.
Historically, I was quiet during these meetings but quite an array of words
flew out of my mouth. To the credit of our female executive director, his idea
was quickly shut down, but he continued to believe it was a valid request.
Because our society gives men greater value than a woman in the workplace.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">18 years ago, I found myself pregnant and unmarried. I was
told by more than one person that having the baby would be a mistake, she would
be “screwed up” with no father, that I should abort. And, I thought about it –
for how long doesn’t matter. I had a choice I am forever grateful for – I chose
to continue the pregnancy and become a mother on my own terms. I was damned for
choosing to continue the pregnancy and damned for not. Because in our society, a
woman choosing single motherhood must not know her own mind and could not do
this on her own.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">10 years ago, I sought out the advice of my Rabbi after the
death of my daughter’s friend. After repeatedly declining his offer to speak
with my daughter (she didn’t want to talk to him,) he told me that he felt my
child needed a male role model in her life to talk to and guide her. His
repugnant behavior drove me away from that synagogue and almost away from Judaism.
Because society believes a woman alone cannot adequately provide guidance and
support for her child.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">9 years ago, my daughter was threatened at school. A boy
threatened to, “shoot her in the face with a rifle.” Many phone calls, visits from
the police and meetings at school later – someone actually said, “Oh, he wasn’t
serious. Maybe he likes her.” Because assuring me that my daughter would be
safe in school was less important than protecting a boy who they felt made an
idle threat. (Note: bullying and repeated retaliatory threats continued and we
left the school.)</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This is not the world Rona and I talked about when we were
young. This is not the world my mother and grandmother fought for or wanted for
their children and grandchildren.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m afraid for my friends. I’m afraid for their children. For their spouses. For their partners.
Stripping away human rights should not be so easy. In a democratic society, we
should not be allowed to use religious ideology as the basis for legislation. What
rights are next? Which of my friends is most vulnerable right now? Which
members of my community will I next stand with and stand up for? Because even
as a woman with fewer rights, there are others that are even more vulnerable.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Two weeks ago, I completed an interview and will begin
volunteering with the escort program at Planned Parenthood. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Three days ago, I watched my daughter sign three petitions and
sign up to volunteer with campus group that advocates for reproductive freedom
and another that supports survivors of sexual assault. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In just over four months, I will watch my daughter cast her first vote. She turns 18 on election day. She has educated herself on issues. She is not afraid to speak up or speak out. She is strong. She is smart. <br /></p><p class="MsoNormal">But, we cannot leave this fight to our daughters and granddaughters.
To our sons and grandsons. Friends, we must leave this world with more rights
for more people – not less. With greater freedoms and more safety. With more
hope and less despair.</p>
<div style="mso-element: footnote-list;"><br clear="all" />
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<div id="ftn1" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="#_ftnref1" name="_ftn1" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn1;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span></span></span></a> https://www.usnews.com/news/health-news/articles/2022-02-23/u-s-maternal-mortality-rate-surged-in-2020</p>
</div>
<div id="ftn2" style="mso-element: footnote;">
<p class="MsoFootnoteText"><a href="#_ftnref2" name="_ftn2" style="mso-footnote-id: ftn2;" title=""><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><span class="MsoFootnoteReference"><span style="font-family: "Calibri",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[2]</span></span></span></span></a> https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7377107/</p>
</div>
</div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-25246715616410733912021-04-15T20:36:00.003-07:002021-04-15T20:36:37.514-07:00Searching for myself<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I’m on a search to find myself – I don’t know where I’ve
gone. I think this was such a gradual process that I didn’t notice it
happening. I just know that I hardly recognize myself in the mirror. I know I’m
not alone in this search – I know plenty of people who feel a bit in limbo of
who they are, how they fit and where they are going.</span></div>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">New or soon-to-be emptynesters. Job searchers. Relocators.
Caregivers without a charge to care for. Pet parents without a furry friend.
Newly single. Long time single but really feeling it these days. You name it
and there are likely so many people you know who may be searching. The search
is different for everyone, from length of time to destination to a sense of achievement.
</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Seventeen years ago, I remember feeling equally lost. Life was
in a state of flux. I was unemployed but working a contract position. I had
ended a ridiculously unhealthy relationship a year or so before and was
halfheartedly dating. I was living in a questionable neighborhood. I had no
idea which way to go and then discovered I was pregnant. Aha…that was a
direction. Or was it a distraction? A really big, life-changing and long-term
distraction.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">My mini-me is 16 (be still my heart as she prepares to fly
from the nest.) Defining myself as “mother” has been the most challenging, fulfilling,
and exhausting version of myself. I have learned so much, no doubt that this
on-the-job training wasn’t always successful and I’m reasonably sure my kid
will need therapy. But, as long as she’s a decent human (and I know this definition
may vary), who is happy, kind, curious, strong and grounded….basically, as long
as she’s not an asshole then I will feel moderately successful.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">But who was I along this journey? I was caregiver, nurse
(though I lost all medical credibility when we became friends with real doctors
and nurses), teacher, psychologist, chauffer, referee, social director, travel
planner, cheerleader, chef and more. I was the sole means of support, the handyman,
the banker, the negotiator, and the chief decision maker. With all those hats,
I have never had time to think about who I was when not tethered to a child. Even
many of my friendships were developed because of those roles.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Now don’t get me wrong – some of those friendships are the
glue that held me together and I really treasure them. I also know that most of
my mom friends completely understand what I’m talking about here. Who are we
without our kids? What kind of friends are we? Are we still friends? Let’s face
it, we know some of those friendships are more tenuous than others – though this
may be more common when the kids were younger.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">A few months ago – though still in the thick of the
quarantine environment – a friend asked how I was doing. I was struggling that
day and I told her I was having a crisis of faith. It was the first time I had
said that and to be honest, that is what I have attributed to this sense of
limbo. We talked about for a bit. She had been attending her church virtually
and admired her commitment to her observation and connection. I felt less than
no desire to do so with my synagogue. I have usually hosted large holiday
gatherings, especially for the Jewish holidays and that role was non-existent
this past year. I just figured the sense of isolation from quarantine,
preventing me fulfilling these roles had left me feeling untethered to my faith
and my circle of celebrants. So last month, as Passover rolled around, I
decided to host a small, outdoor gathering. Many of us were vaccinated. We made
COVID adjustments – we sat outside, we did a lunch instead of dinner (unsure of
weather), and I used all disposable plates and utensils (my mother was rolling
over in her grave.) It felt almost “normal” and I was thrilled to have my home
or rather, my patio, full of my familiar friends. I felt a bit more like myself
but still had that sense of limbo. Then a birthday celebration came around – a happy
hour on a patio was in order. I’ll admit being completely socially awkward in
the majority of social situations – I never know what to say and while I seem
quite social and extroverted, I usually feel weird, uncomfortable, and shy. For
the last 16 years, these gatherings generally included small kids which proved
a great distraction to having to adult with other grownups. There I was at a
happy hour. The kids drove across the street to the mall. I knew some people,
met a few people. Everyone was very nice and I chatted with those I knew and
those I just met. While it was so nice to get out, I still felt that weird
limbo. I don’t think my limbo comes from quarantine.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"> For years, I chalked much of this awkwardness up to being a
single mom. Most of my other mom friends are married or partnered so while we
could all commiserate on topics of parenting, I simply couldn’t relate to much of
the chatter centered around those types of relationships. While this has never
been an issue for me, it is something to consider when I think about who I am. Pretty
sure it doesn’t come from being a single mom either.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">As mini-me spreads her wings (people – she just got her
first real job!) and I watch her take those first tentative steps, I know it is
my time to do the same thing. Time to find myself again and try and remember who
I am. While I will now always be Mom and all that that entails, I have a chance
to try and find that girl, that woman – who was more confident, a little crazy
and reckless, more adventurous and far more brave than the middle-aged mom I
see in the mirror.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"> I had been thinking of doing a thing but kept telling myself
no. I was too old, too uncool. But I really wanted to do it. It’s a small thing
by thing standards but a thing nonetheless. I needed a partner in crime. I
texted E; she was totally game to not only support me with my thing but do a
thing of her own. Mini-me, not to be left out, wanted to do a thing, too. I led
the charge. I researched, priced, and scheduled our things. I was nervous all
day yesterday. I was going to do a thing – I felt a kind of nervous excitement
I haven’t felt in years. I texted E. Could I live up to this thing? She assured
me I could but she is far cooler than I am. Off we went to do our thing. Me, a
rather dumpy, kinda fat middle-aged woman, a beautiful tall drink of water who
is far hipper than me and our 16-year old chaperone.</span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;">Sitting there on the table, my toe tapping, muttering, “fuck,
fuck, fuck, fuck” the needle went it. It burned more than hurt. My eyes were
squeezed shut the entire time. When it was done, E told me it looked like it
had been there the whole time. Any reservations I had were gone – even Mini me
told me it looked good. E went next with a different thing and we ended with Mini-me, who did the same thing as E. Both so happy
with the outcome. Less than an hour later, the things were done. We walked out with
a bit more spring in our step. </span></p><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh13w-4yrXhMLjn82UO6BL_6E2VnAxW5bGvySF7Rq5PlczvDO5bGxxzv9ZAzGtdVbjje9VWJWOQsiQXK4pHigYpVL2wf8Z_E9Nhnn8kXRxd5XE71B-MuDhiavVL3rrlcuDR_Znx6fM4xmil/s2048/6424E07F-E895-452E-9D19-A8113D7991BA.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1539" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh13w-4yrXhMLjn82UO6BL_6E2VnAxW5bGvySF7Rq5PlczvDO5bGxxzv9ZAzGtdVbjje9VWJWOQsiQXK4pHigYpVL2wf8Z_E9Nhnn8kXRxd5XE71B-MuDhiavVL3rrlcuDR_Znx6fM4xmil/w150-h200/6424E07F-E895-452E-9D19-A8113D7991BA.jpeg" width="150" /></a><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></div><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />That needle did more than pierce my nostril. I feel like it
woke me up. A renewed sense of doing new things and having fewer regrets. I
bought a couple of Groupons for some creative stuff I want to try. I want to
take that knife work class at Sur la Table. I’m going to stop coloring my hair
(well, we will see how that goes.) I’m going to meet my friend for happy hour
next time she asks. I’m buying new underpants. I may touch up my tattoo.</span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gah8Lul9RHx1539SHwxf_m-_h3NzgKOcYsXvxhDVg7LItLkiBtDh3dw2JWwYCFCxia9G3DgGeNYCQAFWHlzwwe6dNb0-DXk_hYYV5p94M3d5j9mqOoUMjcvG4rEnN4LZsWhyOJgQnB27/s2048/B4E08AD3-DD9B-417F-A81B-89A58086AE83.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gah8Lul9RHx1539SHwxf_m-_h3NzgKOcYsXvxhDVg7LItLkiBtDh3dw2JWwYCFCxia9G3DgGeNYCQAFWHlzwwe6dNb0-DXk_hYYV5p94M3d5j9mqOoUMjcvG4rEnN4LZsWhyOJgQnB27/s2048/B4E08AD3-DD9B-417F-A81B-89A58086AE83.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gah8Lul9RHx1539SHwxf_m-_h3NzgKOcYsXvxhDVg7LItLkiBtDh3dw2JWwYCFCxia9G3DgGeNYCQAFWHlzwwe6dNb0-DXk_hYYV5p94M3d5j9mqOoUMjcvG4rEnN4LZsWhyOJgQnB27/s2048/B4E08AD3-DD9B-417F-A81B-89A58086AE83.jpeg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1539" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0gah8Lul9RHx1539SHwxf_m-_h3NzgKOcYsXvxhDVg7LItLkiBtDh3dw2JWwYCFCxia9G3DgGeNYCQAFWHlzwwe6dNb0-DXk_hYYV5p94M3d5j9mqOoUMjcvG4rEnN4LZsWhyOJgQnB27/w150-h200/B4E08AD3-DD9B-417F-A81B-89A58086AE83.jpeg" width="150" /></a><p><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"><br />I feel more like myself than I have in years. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;"> </span></p><p><span style="font-family: arial;">PS - And just to confirm that I'm still awkward as fuck, here I am after I had to "soak" my nose is salt water. I'm shocked I didn't drown myself. <br /></span></p><p></p>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-64498463277621773102020-11-02T17:40:00.000-07:002020-11-02T17:40:03.054-07:00Different sides of the aisle - it's a bigger issue than it used to be<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Not all of my friends are the same. We like different music,
different foods, different clothes, different hobbies, different parenting
styles and different ideas about vacation and camping. </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">T can’t imagine a closet without a solid selection of
classic white blouses; she made me buy one once and it sat in my closet for
years – with the tags still on it. She is always pulled together, can wear high
heels all day and I can pick out a dress for her a hot minute. I am…..not like
that but she can pick stuff out for me and she is the best gift giver ever –
she always knows what I like. We are wildly different.</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Some of my friends (okay, many of my friends) are big
readers and we recommend books all the time; others have no interest. Some
friends swear The Secret History by Donna Tartt is one of the best books ever,
though reading it was painful for me. I can watch The Food Network like porn
while D likely pays extra for ninety bazillion ESPN options. We are wildly
different and that’s all good.</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">We are different religions. I stood up for L at her full
Catholic mass wedding (in a dress with a giant bow on my ass and a crinoline)
and she helped honor mini-me when she became a Bat Mitzvah. I have celebrated
Easter with friends who then join me at the table for Passover.</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">Historically, I have had friends on both sides of the aisle.
In fact, T and I had many a conversation about our different perspectives
(perspectives are far more aligned these days.) We listened, we learned. With
many friends – we wanted similar things but the method of getting there varied.
Today, the political differences are so difficult.</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I have many friends that just want the election to be over
so they are no longer inundated with ads, signs, commercials, and calls <span> </span>- it’s been overwhelming and exhausting. I get
that. They just want people to go back to being friends and neighbors with different
political views. It’s a lovely sentiment and one given from an extreme place of
privilege. In today’s climate, people feel unsafe. They feel threatened. Their
rights are threatened. They are afraid for their children. They are afraid to
be in their house of worship, hold hands with their spouse or loved one or send
their children out without them. </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I recently mentioned to a friend that I don’t often wear my Star
of David (Jewish star) necklace these days. I live in a very conservative area
where tempers are short, the bullies travel in packs, the public shaming on
social media is swift and unrelenting and the hateful rhetoric has been given a
national (and international) platform that is supported by the administration.
What a privilege for me to be able to take off that necklace and hide the identity
that so many people hate – just so I feel a wee bit safer. My black and brown
friends don’t have that privilege. My friends in the LGBTQIA+ community don’t
have that privilege. My Muslim friends don’t have that privilege.</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So, before you wax poetic about today’s politics just being
a difference opinion, remember that just because something isn’t a problem for
you – doesn’t mean it isn’t a problem. Just because you’re not afraid for your
life, doesn’t mean your friends and neighbors aren’t. Just because you are free
to practice your religion or love without fear, doesn’t mean everyone can. Just
because your interactions with law enforcement have ended peacefully, don’t
assume the same behavior from someone with black or brown skin will have the
same experience. The day after the election may be back to business for you –
but it also represents something very different for so many other people.</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">As a Jew, I am astonished this kind of divisive rhetoric is
coming from a government – the American government. It reeks of our past and I’m
horrified at hearing the same dismissal of the administration’s behavior and
divisive rhetoric. And before you tell me that I’m misunderstanding – you don’t
get to decide what’s offensive or hurtful to minority groups. That is also a privilege.
But as a Jew, when I’m around friends or at a gathering with people who vote
very differently than I do, I often wonder, “Will you hide me or my daughter?”,
“Will you defend me in the face of the unspeakable evil that spews forth from
the administration or its supporters?” I am afraid. I know that fear will morph
into something else if I need to defend myself – or one of my friends – or a total
stranger. I will not stand idly by. Will you?</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I don’t expect my friends to all have the same political opinion
and I have no issue with that. But we are talking about things bigger than
politics right now. We are talking about things more important than the stock
market. This is an issue of human rights, of human decency, of a moral (NOT
RELIGIOUS) compass that is so off kilter that people are dying, people are
separated from their families, children are orphaned, and Americans are living
in fear. This is about the calls for and in support of white supremacy and
violence. This is an issue about a level of hypocrisy and privilege being
extended to the administration the likes of which have not been seen and would
NEVER be extended to a person of color (Imagine the outrage if Obama said even one
of the inflammatory things the current administration has said.) This is about
an administration that has no interest in representing all Americans – but only
those that support those same inhumane views.</span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">I love my country. I love being an American and I believe
this country has truly amazing things to offer its citizens and those hoping and
trying to be citizens. I resent the division and hate being spewed forth and I
resent that one party has tried to co-opt patriotism for their own use and tell
me that because I disagree, I am not a good American and should just leave. The beauty of this country is the separation of Church and State, freedom of religion and the idea - if not the practice - that all men (and women) are created equal. </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;"></span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">So, while I am sure I will always have friends that sit on
both sides of the aisle, I can’t pretend things haven’t changed. I have lost
friends because of this administration. I have seen friends struggle with
familial relationships and I’ve seen people leave jobs because of it. Yes, I
have had conversations – civil conversations to try and understand. But, at the
end of the day, the racism, xenophobia, sexism, anti-Semitism, white supremacy,
complete disregard for science, data, facts and rules – simply don’t matter
enough to those individuals. </span></span></p><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">
</span></span><p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: arial;">It’s not about a difference in policy perspective – it’s
about a difference in humanity.</span></span></p>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-22910678031996960322020-07-02T16:50:00.000-07:002020-07-02T16:50:35.734-07:00My white privilege<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="footnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="line number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="page number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="endnote text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="table of authorities"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="macro"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="toa heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
I rarely post anything political. Frankly, I don’t think
that a social media post will change anyone’s mind and far too many people
confuse fact with opinion or are simply posting with the intention to inflame,
provoke and spread inaccurate information (that sadly, they may find funny.) However,
equality, justice, racism and anti-racism are not political. This is about
human rights and basic human decency. This is about using my voice to elevate
someone else’s. This is about acknowledging and working through my discomfort
to help and support someone else. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My heart is heavy. When overwhelmed with emotions, my
tendency is to retreat – be silent. I have to process things and find the right
words. I can’t seem to do that. My words seem hollow.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I grew up in an area that wasn’t quite the north and not
quite the south. An area that may have been slightly more open minded than the
traditional South but still heavily influenced by all things Southern. My very
youngest years included Evelyn. She came over almost daily. She cooked and
cleaned and took care of us. She made us dinner before my parents ate. She gave
me a bath and tied my hair up in rags to create the perfect curls my mother
wanted. She taught me to sing “Catch a Falling Star” and “How Much Is that
Doggy in the Window.” I remember her playing with me, singing with me and
taking care of me. And at night, Evelyn would leave our big house and take a
bus to another part of town – to her own family. This was just the way it was.
I was very little – I knew no different. This was my white privilege. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When my daughter was quite young, we were talking about a
good friend of our family but she couldn’t remember as we have more than one
friend with that name – so I finally described her as Black and my daughter
looked at me like I was crazy. What did I mean she was Black? So I dug up a
picture of Kim and sat my 4-year old down and we talked about race. How impressed
I was with myself that I was raising a colorblind child who saw the human-ness
in someone before their race! This is how it should be I thought. I thought
wrong. This was my white privilege. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was in junior high school, I snuck outside behind the
locker rooms during a school dance to smoke some weed. A cop caught me with a pipe
in my hand. He shook his head, took the joint and told me to go back to the
dance. Even as he saw the bigger stash I had in my pocket. This was my white
privilege.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After I graduated high school, some friends and I were
driving to the beach. The music was loud, I’m certain the car was full of smoke
(cigarette and otherwise) and we had a six pack of beer that we got by flashing
a Heineken truck on Route 50. The windows were covered with super-elastic-bubble-plastic
bubbles. I got pulled over. Four underage girls with questionable behavior and
liquor in the car were let go with a warning. This was our white privilege. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a young professional, I had a great job with a shitty boss.
A boss who verbally crossed a line more than once. After I was fired, after I
hired an attorney and after I was deposed – they believed me. This was my white
privilege.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a single mother by choice, I entered parenthood on my
own. A bit defiant and a lot scared, I forged ahead in the path of many a mom
before me. More than once, I was given kudos for parenting on my own with many
acknowledging how hard it must be and they didn’t know how I did it. More than
once, a day care provider, car repair, service folks would give me discounts if
I played the single mom card. This was my white privilege.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Just last week, my daughter quit her first job. She had been
working for almost a year and had been talking about quitting for more than a
month but decided to wait until school started. Then, her boss posted something
on social media and we saw it. It was racist and the comments that followed
that post showed neither remorse nor understanding for a newer and more
empathetic point of view. It was her line in the sand and I let her draw it.
She quit a paying job without another. That was her white privilege (and yes, I
talked about this with her.)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am almost 56 years old. I have experienced my fair share
of misogyny. When I worked in retail, I had a customer offer me a detailed definition
of my name, been called a cunt and received countless comments about my boobs.
As a member of the executive team at a nonprofit, I’ve sat in a boardroom and
listened to a colleague tell us that male member of his staff was more
deserving of a raise than an unmarried woman because he needed to support his
growing family (uh, that didn’t work.) As a single mother, I had a boss ask me
if I could just leave my child with a neighbor when I was unable to take a last
minute business trip. In each of these instances, I was able to push back or
get support knowing that I would be okay. This was also my white privilege. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a mother, I’ve had plenty of talks with my daughter about
safety. About keeping herself safe. About making safe decisions. But, never,
have I had to tell my child to fear being pulled over by the police or not to wear
her hoodie. I have never had to tell to not stand up for herself or not to push
back against an injustice. And, this too, is my white privilege.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I don’t share this with pride. I share this as an admission
and acknowledgement of the work I have to do. I have benefitted from white
privilege my entire life. This doesn’t mean that I didn’t encounter hardship or
experience grief. It means that the color of my skin does not add to those
hardships. It means I am afforded belief, admission, kudos and access to things
that people of color – women of color – may not.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Though I have not nor will I be able to experience the type
of fear, trepidation, judgement and injustice that people of color experience –
that will not stop me from trying to understand, to learn and to empathize with
a society that places greater value on white lives than black or brown lives. I
do not get to be colorblind – as that tells people of color that I do not see
their distinction, their culture, their unique contributions, value, and the
injustices they face because of their skin color. I do not get to be colorblind
to the systemic racism that permeates our lives simply because it has not
affected me personally. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My late father used to say that my siblings and I were so
close that you could cut one of us and all of us would bleed. That is how I
feel about racism. People of color have been fighting long enough – they have
marched and shouted, protested and pleaded, fought for and fought back. They’ve
been cut enough. I will bleed for them now.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are interested in learning more about becoming
anti-racist, I recommend the following:</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
White Fragility by Robin Diangelo</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Me and white supremacy by Layla Saad</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Following @Nifakaniga, @garychambersjr and @caroranwill on
Instagram</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Following Emmanuel Acho, Ally Project PHX on Facebook</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’re in the Phoenix area and are interested in
encouraging our young people to vote, follow Tomorrow We Vote on both Instagram
and Facebook</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
#BlackLivesMatter</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-57534832166201179392019-09-14T07:08:00.000-07:002019-09-14T07:08:50.451-07:00Fuck gratitude<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I know I've not written often of late. There was a long gap and then my first post back was a big one (I won’t apologize for that first post back being one with
significant weight.) Current events had kept me up (they still do), worried in ways I didn’t
expect and I ultimately decided to share for reasons explained in the post. I wasn't
been absent for any one reason. Just life. I felt my content was getting stale
and I had nothing more to say. Friendship felt a narrow topic. I couldn’t keep
track of code names I had given people. And, I was tired. And, lazy.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Several folks have asked me about writing again and while I
would get a spark of an idea once in a while, nothing really stuck. After all,
the writing was more for me – if others wanted to read it, great. If they
enjoyed it, even better. It turns out, I rarely run out of things to say. No
one is less surprised by that than me. So, I’m back. I may or may not be
talking about the beauty of friendships – or the bullshit of them. I won’t use
code names for my friends but I won’t publicly out them either. I’ll leave it
up to them to admit they know me. If they have something to say, I trust they
will. My friends are rarely at a loss for words. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So, I'm going try and get at this more regularly. It’s been a while. I hope you’ve been well. What have you been up to? What have
I been up to you ask? Well, I’ve decided to say “Fuck you” to gratitude – and before
you get your gracious knickers in a twist, read on.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
</div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Don’t get me wrong, I recognize how lucky I am. I have my
health, an amazing daughter and family, terrific friends and a job I don’t
hate. But the relentless platitudes of gratitude, of only focusing on the
positive, being grateful for every little thing and cherish every moment is
bullshit. It not only pushes aside the very real range of emotions that people
have every day, but tells them those emotions are wrong. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“That accident/incident sounds terrible. You should just be
grateful it wasn’t much worse,” or “Well, that’s what insurance is for – you’re
lucky you have it.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are allowed to be angry. Your anger does not negate any
other feeling you may have. Anger does not mean you don’t love someone, are
unable to move on or are not appreciative that things could, indeed, be worse. The
fact is, sometimes you need to process that anger in order to move forward.
Being angry sometimes is normal. If you are never angry – where the hell are
you stuffing your emotions? Are you drinking them? Eating them? Taking it out
on others? I’ve done all of that – none of it works. Being angry does not mean
you are ungrateful.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Oh look at that precious baby/darling child (who is clearly
not being precious or darling), just cherish this time, it goes so fast.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Seriously? You are allowed to be super annoyed, frustrated,
at the end of your rope with your kid. Let’s face it, great kids can still
sometimes be assholes. Sometimes they are too little to realize; often times they
are old enough to know better. My daughter is out of the toddler phase and I
can assure you that while there is much to miss about that time – I do not miss
tantrums, sleepless nights and potty training nor do I look back on them with
any nostalgia. I may laugh about them more often now – but time does that with
many things. Parenting is hard and sometimes, we're simply exhausted and at the end of our emotional rope. Thinking your kid is sometimes an asshole does not diminish your
love for your kid or how lucky you know you are to have him/her.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“You should feel lucky you have such a good job.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are allowed to fucking hate your job sometimes. Because
frankly, sometimes my job sucks. The deadlines are unreasonable, the people are
twats and the lack of resources is frustrating. Venting is okay – as long as
it’s not the only thing you do. Sometimes, you need to get it out in order to
become part of the solution and be a more productive team member. My venting
does not mean that I don’t recognize how lucky – or grateful - I am to have my job.
Just means that that sometimes, it sucks.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“People just need to be nice to one another. I mean, I’m
sure he didn’t mean what he said.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are allowed to pissed off at the state of current
affairs. You can vent, vote, protest and spew forth your views. For me
personally, it helps to back it up with facts. But being told to “suck it up”
or just “focus on the positive” is frankly a privilege afforded to those not
affected by things that are happening. Being angry or afraid is okay and very
real – those feelings aren’t diminished because things are going well for you or
you choose not to engage. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Consider yourself lucky your [insert family member] is
available to help you, just ignore what s/he says,” or “Just ignore move on.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You are allowed to be fed up with your family. Family can be
frustrating as hell. I don’t have any family living near me – this is both a
blessing and a curse and I can easily see both sides of that coin. I remember
talking to my brother about this – we may fight, we may disagree, we may live
miles apart but at the end of the day, I know my family would be there should I
need it. That doesn’t mean that don’t annoy the ever-loving fuck out of me
sometimes (as I’m sure I annoy them, as well.) And, I say that with the utmost
love. This doesn’t mean that I am not grateful for them.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“I’m cutting all negative people out of my life. I am just
going to practice gratitude every day and want to be surrounded by positivity
only.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Well aren’t you a ray of fucking sunshine. Hope you’re not
indulging in any unhealthy behaviors to manage those less than positive
emotions – you know, like eating too much, drinking, drugs or making otherwise
poor or unhealthy choices. Hope you’re not desperately trying to control every
aspect of your environment, to create a self-imposed bubble that must be exhausting to
maintain. And, what a great friend you must be to only want to deal with your
friends who are going through a good time. It’s easy to get everyone to ride
with you in the limousine – you may have less company when you have to take the
bus but you will find out who are your real friends. I’m actually a pretty
optimistic person but that doesn’t mean I don’t go through bouts of trying
times when I’m less than chipper. This doesn't mean I'm not a positive person and that I am not grateful for my life. My real friends know that.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“They lived a good long life,” or “It’s nature’s way or
God’s way of….,” or “At least you already have one (or another) child,” or “It
was just a dog/cat/horse, you’re lucky you can go get another.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I can’t even with these. Grief is deeply personal and there
is no rulebook. Grief is painful and lonely and long-lasting. It may be deeply
rooted and it may appear to move through someone quickly. There is no comfort
in telling a grieving parent to be grateful for a surviving child or that they
can have another. Knowing a parent or grandparent lived a long and happy life
does not make you grateful for the pain you may feel at their passing. And for
so many, me included, our pets are family and their loss is just as devastating
and unique to each animal. Grief is normal and real. It is not something we
move through but learn to live with as a new normal has to be defined. Grief
does not mean you were not grateful for what you had – it just means you’re in
pain as you learn to live with that loss.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">“Just cheer up. It’s up to you to be happy.”</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Okay, just fuck that shit. It’s completely normal to have a
case of the blues, to be struggling with anxiety or overwhelmed by something
happening in your life or around you. It's normal to just have a bad day. For some, sadness, fear, anxiety and
depression are so overwhelming that it’s hard to function. These feelings may
be short-lived but for many they are lifetime struggle. A pithy platitude
of, “Choose happiness,” is patronizing, dismissive and arrogant. Gratitude is
not unique to happy people, it just may show itself differently in different
people. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">At the end of the day, it is important to appreciate what you
have and be grateful for what you receive. It is a good thing to treat others
with kindness for no other reason than it's the right thing to do and besides, being kind feels way better than being
an asshole (most of the time.) But don’t diminish the very real feelings of
someone who may be in a different place than you are. Feelings are real –
whether they are the ones you are having or are familiar with or don’t understand.
Anger, anxiety, frustration and fear are as real as happiness, joy, and
contentment. Part of being authentic – is not only having those range of
emotions but acknowledging them, learning from them, seeking help in managing
them and accepting these emotions are part of you or your family and friends. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We must quit telling people to stop feeling [insert emotion]
and just replace what is perceived as a negative feeling with “happiness” or
“gratitude” – that is more likely your own discomfort with those emotions and
not theirs. Learn to sit in your own discomfort – you don’t always have to say
something or fix someone. Sometimes, just acknowledging those emotions in
yourself or others is enough. Remember, privilege is thinking that because
something isn’t a problem for you, it isn’t a problem for anyone. Empathy is
recognizing that, being supportive and wanting things to be better for all people. Gratitude is being thankful you can help, thanking those
that helped you and recognizing that privilege in the first place.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Josh Lieb once said, “Gratitude can sometimes be as annoying as whininess.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I don't know Josh Lieb but man, I like him. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<br />Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-78800851009540468832019-09-12T09:19:00.001-07:002019-09-12T09:19:33.614-07:00What is your secret ingredient?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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It’s no secret that I love to cook. I also love to eat. I
read cookbooks and watch Food Network like porn. I love to see what friends are
cooking and more than a few of my recipes are tried and true favorites from
family and friends.</div>
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My mom and Big Susan liked to cook. Nothing got them going
more than planning the Friday night dinners before the mitzvah of one of
Susan’s grandkids. Or a Jewish holiday. Or Thanksgiving. They shared menus.
They prepped, peeled, sliced and basted. They set tables, taste tested and
shooed many a kid out of the kitchen. At the beach, lunches often included
massive bowls of tuna and egg salad while dinners included my mother’s infamous
“beach chicken” – a foul concoction of chicken roasted with French dressing,
onion soup mix and apricot jam. I can assure you, I am not making that.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I was cooking for this last Passover, I really wanted to
make roast chicken. But, not any roast chicken – I wanted Big Susan’s roast
chicken. It looked just right – skinless, boneless chicken pieces nestled in a
bed of roast onions (onions must always be on the side – one her boys does not
like them!) Everything was the perfect roasty color – the seasoning just right.
Years ago, I asked Big Susan for her recipe. Much like my mom, she didn’t
follow one. She just did it. I watched, I tried to remember. If I took notes,
I’ve long since lost them. I’ve tried to recreate and I’ve failed. This year, I
asked her daughter. Her response was exactly the same as her mothers, which was
of no help to me. I tried again and while it was okay, it wasn’t Big Susan’s
roast chicken. I don’t even think about attempting her chicken salad.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Food brings back memories. One time – one single time – one
of my sisters remarked that she liked </div>
my stepfather’s homemade BBQ sauce and mom’s
coleslaw. You can bet they made that all the time for her - long after she
stopped liking it. One of my sisters likes to keep her cooking healthy and we
have mocked her more than once – tofu cheesecake just isn’t the same. Once,
that same sister and I made a pie that required freezer time. When taking it
out, we discovered that a small, very frozen, Cornish game hen had fallen into
said pie and frozen in the center. You could literally pick that frozen bird up
and the whole pie came with it. Cornish game hen banana pie. We still laugh
about it.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWNdU1h2S-e12ZGUFwgPVnv6EsXfnHfPsfe-d32-_4eKgsXduYKc59h3iOp2oBw10Da5cmVJqo4LC0HxNmBvWcaa0SiVE4y-ufmoMVLyDhzTL_eT5GwFzKQkneq5qWJfimkWHaQObih9rw/s1600/Recipes2.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWNdU1h2S-e12ZGUFwgPVnv6EsXfnHfPsfe-d32-_4eKgsXduYKc59h3iOp2oBw10Da5cmVJqo4LC0HxNmBvWcaa0SiVE4y-ufmoMVLyDhzTL_eT5GwFzKQkneq5qWJfimkWHaQObih9rw/s200/Recipes2.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cookbooks are my scrapbooks</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, many of my friends are very good cooks. T makes wicked
good meatballs and her hot fudge sauce is sublime. M taught me how to make sopa
and is my go-to when I have questions about making biscuits. L follows a good
recipe and will always share but whenever I make good Italian – I must call and
tell her so that she can share with her mother – a New York Italian if ever
there was one. Another friend makes this meatball thing that my daughter loves
– one of those crazy three ingredient things that are always a hit. So when I
bring a slow-cooker full of meatballs to a gathering – we can thank her for the
recipe. Now, my dear friend N also loves to cook and we rarely plan our Jewish
holiday menus without checking with each other for something new and different.
Her broccoli soufflé has graced my table – and that of my sister. Her zucchini
soup is a favorite (and a great way to use all that summer squash!) An old
friend made a kugel every year for the holidays and it was delicious. I begged
for that recipe and for years she would not share it. She finally did. I make
it and like I promised – I don’t share that recipe. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My sister-in-law is a very good cook and many of her recipes
have graced my table – triple-chip cookies, black bean shrimp salsa and pork
tenderloin salsa verde all came from her kitchen. My sisters have also
contributed to my recipe book. I so loved the meatball soup that S used to make - I learned to make it for mini-me and her turkey meatloaf is the bomb. My
other sister doesn’t love to cook but she sure turns out a mean fruit crumble
(strawberry-rhubarb is my fav) and her well-seasoned salmon made Mini-me a fish
lover at a very young age.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each time I use a recipe from a friend or family member,
it’s a bit like spending time together. It always makes me smile and “remember
when.”</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This year, Mini-me has taken to baking. I taught her to make
my dad’s favorite Crescent Cookies – little moon-shaped shortbread cookies with
tiny bits of pecan and dusted with powdered sugar. They are melt-in-your-mouth
good! While we baked – and I told her they were Grandpa Bob’s favorites, she
asked questions about him and I told her stories. Some she may have heard
before but she graciously listened as I waxed nostalgic. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Side story: Mini-me is not a picky eater. Never has been.
But, she does have some food she absolutely dislikes and has never liked. Every
one of those foods are the same foods my father disliked. They never met. She
has his palate completely – including her love of dark chocolate (from a very
young age), her utter disgust at cream cheese, mayonnaise, most jams/jellies
and ranch dressing, her preference for not-too-sweet desserts and good ice
cream. Genetics people. They are strong.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Back to cooking. Now, T’s hubby is also a good cook and I’ve
started to gather some good recipes from him. A stew with sweet potatoes and
peanut butter is perfect on a cold night. And the lettuce wraps from old
friends still shows up on those hot summer nights. My sister’s Chinese chicken
salad is the best ever and my brother does a mean rub for grilled meats and can
always be counted on for a cocktail recipe. His eggnog should be illegal and
his Sangria is delicious….and the Moscow Mules never suck nor do his Bloody
Mary’s. Years ago (think early ‘80s), his go-to recipe was soy sauce chicken
cooked in the wok. I remember being so impressed. My cousin B is also a great
cook, something he inherited from his folks. The family recipe of a roast
cooked rock salt will be tried in my house this year – I’m determined!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_BfHXv1gMHG5ZSR7DyupFkK2OPmTFAL4yn7V6kPs4UnR0VfqggOD1_RdrS0Wn4V2dLyBBi1uELgUCSdyvAA1noHIJUromX5eb1Qx5W-3w_wJfHqxbYwvZPxdC7nV-v407J0X5XB-d5h-k/s1600/recipes1.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1600" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg_BfHXv1gMHG5ZSR7DyupFkK2OPmTFAL4yn7V6kPs4UnR0VfqggOD1_RdrS0Wn4V2dLyBBi1uELgUCSdyvAA1noHIJUromX5eb1Qx5W-3w_wJfHqxbYwvZPxdC7nV-v407J0X5XB-d5h-k/s200/recipes1.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mom & Jack's handwritten recipes</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sure, I pull recipes from online, magazines and such – but
there is something special about a recipe from a friend or family member. I
have recipe binders – full of clippings and copied recipes. There are some in
there I’ve never tried – but they’re in my mom’s handwriting so in the binder,
they will stay. I have a curated collection of cookbooks. I do periodically
weed it all out but these are some of my favorite reads. Each time I try a
recipe, I note the date and any important notes or changes or ideas. When I
later go back to them, it’s nice to see….and remember.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All of my family and many of my friends live so far away. We
rarely cook together and I want to cook with them – with you. So, I am asking
you. Send me your favorite recipe – maybe it’s one that’s been in your family
and maybe it’s a new one you just tried. Tell me why it’s your favorite. I
promise to try and live up the expectation and hope it will be as good as
yours. I want to make that recipe – it will be like spending some time
together. You can send your recipes to <span class="MsoHyperlink"><a href="mailto:WhoIsYourBigSusan@gmail.com">WhoIsYourBigSusan@gmail.com</a></span>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bon Appetit!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-92037592943175358702019-06-27T17:36:00.000-07:002019-06-27T17:39:08.233-07:00The sun, the surf and the memories<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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20 years.7300 days. 175,200 hours. 10,512,000 minutes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A lifetime and just yesterday.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Life does not stop when someone dies. It changes. There is a
new normal as day to day activities, routine and milestones are re-defined
around the absence.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I think of her often – especially in these summer months. The
beach, every time I see someone with that golden brown tan (however unhealthy)
or see pictures of the sand and surf. During the next few weeks
there will be countless pictures posted of friends and family at “the beach” –
the great getaway down Route 50, over the bridge, take Route 404. Stop at Adam's Fruit Stand. Bethany Beach, Ocean City, and Rehoboth – the sleepy
towns of my childhood have changed but still bring back the same old memories.
And, the beach always reminds me of Rona.</div>
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<br /></div>
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It’s funny how a place can remind you of people – as much as
any other shared memory with that person. Rona isn’t the only one I think of
when I think of the beach – but I always think of her when my toes hit the
sand.</div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS94tRYEmL5EM0eqzrvwUcC_tJuncpd6TR5_vdJGwFx8k4KbDPqK7ecof8MXyL2BrBQTJD1_0gXwBnrdwq7k3RijnVV4s80gEXULScfNRnfwGGyoreVXg5DC00aKcNonuxLHw6AKvmV0Ey/s1600/E5166D11-C17E-4581-B68E-68D7FF2CECF7.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1458" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjS94tRYEmL5EM0eqzrvwUcC_tJuncpd6TR5_vdJGwFx8k4KbDPqK7ecof8MXyL2BrBQTJD1_0gXwBnrdwq7k3RijnVV4s80gEXULScfNRnfwGGyoreVXg5DC00aKcNonuxLHw6AKvmV0Ey/s200/E5166D11-C17E-4581-B68E-68D7FF2CECF7.jpeg" width="181" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me, Bethany Beach House, 1970</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
My beach thoughts always start with Big Susan. It was her
beach house that brings me my earliest beach memories. The old bikes stored under
the house. I was too little to keep up with everyone and would ride on the handlebars.
Destination? York Beach Mall where the grocery had donuts every morning. Off we
went – to bring them back to the house. Everyone grabbed their favorite and my
mom would eat only half. Half a donut. Who the fuck eats just a half? </div>
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<br /></div>
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Swimming in the ocean. Doesn’t matter if it’s just my toes
getting wet or if I’m out diving under the waves. Always reminds me of Big
Susan’s kids – I would go out soooo far into the ocean. One of the big kids
pushing me on those old thick rubber/canvas rafts when I was too small to
manage on my own. I’m sure I went ass over tea kettle more than once – but I do
not remember ever being afraid.</div>
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<br /></div>
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Once summer, we stayed at a hotel – Summer Place. It was
near the beach house so we spent our days there. It was me, my mom and my
sisters. My biggest memory of that summer was that our bathing suits got stolen
off the clothes line outside. It was my blue and white bikini.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mini-Me, Bethany Beach, 2014</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
As I got older, the beach brings me memories of other
friends. In high school, D and I went to her family’s beach house. Alone. No
parents. Did I say alone and with no parents? There we were, relishing that bit
of freedom to set our own hours and act like grownups. We laugh about that
parenting choice and how we would <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">never</i></b>. I was lucky to go to that
beach house often – and I have wonderful memories of her dear dad in that
house. I can hear his laugh as he told jokes. I hear his voice telling great
stories as we sat around the table eating hard-shell crabs and drinking beer. I
am grateful that I was able to take my mini-me to that house – and share with
her the magic of Bethany Beach.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Not all of my beach memories were of my time there. There is
an old story of my mom and Big Susan driving to the beach house to set it up
for the summer. There they went in the old station wagon. Two broads – two best
friends, with no kids, and a car loaded to the brim with toilet paper, cleaning
supplies (my mom was quite the cleaner), cereal, cans of tuna and other
assorted necessities for the summer at the beach. The only thing between them
and the sand that year was the Chesapeake Bay Bridge and a major summer storm.
They would tell the story of driving across the bridge in rain coming down so
hard you could barely see, winds pushing against the car so hard they swore it
blow them off the bridge. They made it across the bridge, pulled over, hugged
each other and cried. I told that story to mini-me as we drove across the
bridge – she said she completely understood their feelings as she peered out
the window to the water far below.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Beach memories and the people in them changed as I got older
and changed coasts. When I moved to CA, I was just a short drive to Santa Cruz.
Many a Sunday morning found my brother and me flying over Hwy 17 to spend a day
in the sand. There was nothing earth-shattering that happened, no major event.
Just a memory of a place that always makes me think of those Sunday mornings
with my brother.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mini-me & cousins, Manhattan Beach, 2013</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Now, when I think of the beach – I often picture the wide
stretch of sand, the picture-perfect pier and the long walk to the bathroom at
Manhattan Beach. I think of my brother and his family. This is the beach of my
mini-me’s memory – where cousin T took her out on a surfboard and taught her to love the waves. Where she played for hours
with her cousins – digging for sand crabs, playing in the surf. Those super early
mornings when only parents of young children were awake and we’d hustle the
kids into town to get breakfast before we woke anyone else. She thinks of her
aunt and uncle, her cousins, the family friends. We’d walk to those special
places at the beach that we visited each time we were there – The Creamery,
Pages and Udderly Perfect. Even in the winter. Mini-me has very vivid memories
of Christmas Eve walking along the pier with me, her aunt, uncle and cousin and
ending up in Shellback Tavern where the nice bartender made her a hot chocolate
she could stir with a candy cane. Grownups opted for something a bit stronger. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(I’m both proud and horrified that one of
her favorite beach memories is of being in a bar on Christmas Eve.)</i> Those evenings at the house where we’d have drinks by the fireplace – our skin
a bit redder, our eyes a bit bleary and our souls the kind of blissfully tired
that only the beach can bring.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We shared that beach house with friends. For a few years, K
and I would pull the girls out of school and escape to the beach for the
perfect September weather. Those girls would play for hours on the beach. K
would obsessively apply – and re-apply sunscreen. We’d occasionally feed the
seagulls that would hover over any potential snack. One year, there was a gull
who had a string wrapped around his legs. There were K and I, trying to wrangle
this bird to cut this string off – I made her do the cutting. She was a nurse
was my excuse. We’d walk the piers in the evening as the girls ran down and
peered over the edge. These are Mini-me's beach memories.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My mom loved the beach. Big Susan loved the beach. They loved
being there together. Some kid was always getting yelled at. There was sand
everywhere. No one watched much TV (only had about three channels so no one
really bothered.) The ginormous dining room table that my mother was always – <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and I
mean always</i></b> – wiping down. Reading comics I found lying around and
Stephen King books as I got older. An occasional evening out to Jolly Roger or
the boardwalk but that was rare. The beach was the destination.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Rona loved the beach – everything about it. Our last trip
was to Bethany. We stayed at friend’s house right in town on beach block. We’d
get up early and walk along
the water. Sitting on the beach or in the screened-in porch reading. People
watching, possibly running into (or avoiding) people we knew. Hard shells at
least once during our trip along with Thrasher’s fries with vinegar. It was one
of her happiest places. Even when she wasn’t feeling great, she felt removed
from her illness at the beach. More peaceful. It is the place I most often
picture her. Remember her.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am not at the beach today though I am wishing my toes were
in the sand. And, I wish I was with those who loved the beach the most.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Miss you.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rona Diane Majower</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">November 1, 1964 –
June 27, 1999</i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I could have stayed silent. I could have just gone about my day – my weekend – just as so many others have. We all heard the news, we know what happened. Perhaps we’re just processing this in our own way. Perhaps, some are operating in the “well that’s awful but it doesn’t affect me” mentality that has become so pervasive of late.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then I got messages. A few texts from dear friends checking to see how Jillian and I were managing the news. The first one came before I had even read the news. Jillian was riding and I didn’t tell her until she was done. They were kind words from kind people – people that fully understand systemic discrimination and intolerance - that suffocating and panicky feeling that comes from oppression. The quiet fear with the knowledge that you have to keep doing what needs to be done – the laundry, the carpool, work, the activism – with the underlying despair of “what is next” in the back of your head. I even got an email from a friend who voted quite differently than me - horrified by what has happened and wanted to assure me that he likes the Jewish people [insert eye roll here.]</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The current political environment has been a real struggle for me – and understanding my friends who sit in support of an administration that is fanning the flames of hatred. Historically, this has not been a problem for me. I’ve always prided myself on believing that friends do not all have to think alike. I’ve friends of different religions and sharing those traditions has enriched my life. I have friends of different races and ethnicity –those differences have made me a better person. I have friends with different political beliefs and we’ve had great discussions, lively debates and healthy dialogue. We may have even learned something from one another. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But things have changed. They have gotten ugly and mean and deeply personal. I have spent two years educating myself. How can I learn – how can I understand what it means to be part of a marginalized group for whom systemic discrimination is a way of life? Could I truly understand? I can empathize, I can march, I can donate, I can support – but can I truly understand? I have read countless testimonies of people – children and young people - abandoned by their families because of who they love or who they are. I have talked to senior citizens fearful of cuts to their well-earned benefits and at risk of becoming homeless. I have read of countless Veterans who struggle to get the help they need and make ends meet. I have attended meetings at a local mosque listening and learning only to find that as Jew, we had so much more in common than I had ever known – and I heard their fear. I have watched the faithful recoil in shock as religion is used as as rationale for horrible behavior. I have watched in abject horror at the police brutality towards people of color. The difference in the way suspects are treated – based on their skin color.<i> It is worth a side note to say that the pipe bomb suspect and the Pittsburgh shooter were both taken alive. It’s not hard to imagine the very different outcome had their skin been a different color. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the midst of the rampant racism – the appalling tirades filmed by victims and witnesses of racist vitriol being shouted; the destruction of places of worship while spewing hateful lies filmed by the perpetrators themselves. In the midst of the irrational xenophobic behavior directed at anyone who is not white or speaks another language. In the midst of the attacks on women that finally had the courage to say, “me, too.” In the midst of the name-calling, the mocking of people with disabilities. In the midst of the cries of fake news when the facts are not favorable towards an elected official. In the midst of the overwhelming silence from those who may sit on that side, who may have voted that way – the attacks on Jews continued.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There has been a 60% increase in anti-Semitic incidents from 2016-2017 – the largest increase recorded by the ADL. This includes hate speech, which is protected by first amendment rights. There has been a 250% increase in white supremacist activity on college campuses during this time as well. Bomb threats at multiple Jewish Community Centers. Vandalism in Jewish cemeteries and on Jewish homes. I have friends who have had their Hanukkah decorations vandalized – repeatedly. I have been called names. My own synagogue put up metal barriers to prevent a vehicle from driving through our entry. This is in addition to the armed police that stand guard. And now Pittsburgh. Eleven people gunned down while praying. Gunned down while praying.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thoughts and prayers are not enough. Not nearly enough.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">How do I reconcile the friends (and family) that I know so well with their support of someone that is so hurtful to so many? I know these people – I see how they treat me and my family. Their kindness and genuine friendship is not lost on me. We have traveled together. They have taken my daughter on trips and I have taken theirs. We have eaten in one another’s home, shared celebrations and loss. These are good people who love their families and want the world to be a better place for their children. I know they do not agree with the hateful rhetoric – yet they remain silent. Perhaps they talk more among those that share their political beliefs but from where I sit, the silence is deafening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I want to remind those friends – I am those people who are being mocked, accused of being a liar, called names, threatened and harassed. When you say nothing, when you continue to support an administration that finds it acceptable – hell, admirable - to discriminate against others, incites violence, instills fear instead of facts, calls women liars and refuses to be held accountable to the same standards to which they hold others – do I assume you agree? On my business calls, we say that silence is affirmation.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As we enter the holiday season, Jillian and I have talked about all the ways we will decorate our new house for the holidays. Where will we put our collection of nutcrackers? What about our winter village <i>(the closest thing we get to snow!)</i> Will we host our annual Hanukkah open house and share latkes and brisket sliders with friends? The one thing we were certain of is that our large bay window would be the perfect spot for our Menorah collection. We’ve talked about how beautiful they will look each night – candles burning in the window. But today, in the back of my mind, I wonder if it is safe for me to do that. Will my house be targeted? Will Jillian be harassed as she’s seen leaving the house on a nightly walk with the dogs? Will we be the ones scrubbing hate-filled graffiti from the garage door? Where will those friends be then?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the wake of Charlottesville, it was said that “there were fine people on both sides.” Let me be clear - there are no good Nazis or white supremacists - they are not "fine people." There was a whole war about this and the entire world agreed – you cannot be a white supremacist and truly love your country and all that it stands for. Patriotism does not belong to any one political party – pride in one’s country crosses the aisle. It is seen in the courage of our soldiers, the love of their families. It is in the commitment of our teachers, who use their own money to pay for supplies when their states won’t provide funding. It is in the freedom of those who are able to live – and love – as their true selves. It is the dignity in which those that are oppressed continue to hold their head high and keep moving forward. It is in the prayers of the faithful in their many houses of worship. It is in the determination of someone seeking a better life for themselves and their family. It is in the joy and laughter of our children thriving in a healthy environment. It is in the resolution of those who continue to fight for the rights of others – even when they themselves are not affected. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If I have learned nothing else during these last two years, it is that people feel empowered by the words and actions of others. Words matter. How they are used matters. We cannot dismiss distasteful language, hateful rhetoric and soundbites with a “He was kidding,” or “It’s only a joke.” And, to be clear – it’s not that folks don’t have a sense of humor, it’s that so much of the mocking is based on hurtful stereotypes, flat out lies and simple mean-spiritedness that is taken by many to be a guidebook on how to treat people. Standing up for something is the most American thing that I can do. Standing up for myself, my daughter, my friends, for those that live, love and worship differently. I do not have to agree with you but certainly respect your right to believe differently.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But, there is a difference in respecting different beliefs and using those beliefs to incite hatred and violence. There is a difference in using freedom of speech to share opinions that differ – even when they differ from that of your government – and spewing forth hateful rhetoric that encourages violence against groups of people. There is a difference in saying you have a “live and let live” philosophy to life and supporting officials – and therefore legislation – that restricts others to do the same. There is a difference between saying you believe in a separation of Church and State yet support candidates who want to erase that line and use religion to legislate. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(And, for one moment – let’s imagine a Jewish legislator did just that – can you imagine the outrage?!)</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you are not denouncing that hateful rhetoric, do I assume you are for it? If you continue to vote and support candidates who perpetuate that hatred and discrimination, do I assume you agree with those policies? If you continue to mock those that have been brave enough to stand up and make their voice heard, I must assume you mock me behind my back as well, after all, why would I be exempt? If you don’t support those things, I ask how you can support – endorse and continue to vote for someone who does. My daughter once asked me if I would have protected Jews during the Holocaust, had I had that opportunity. “Of course,” I replied. I would try to protect anyone in danger – Jewish or not. I stand by that statement. But, would you protect me? Or my daughter? This isn’t hyperbole anymore.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In these last two years, the learning curve has been steep but great.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned that as a Jew, I must stand up against any religious discrimination.</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I may not always fully understand another religion but support others’ abilities to worship in their own way. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned that as a mother, I am the voice of my child.</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">That includes teaching her to stand up for what is right, respecting others, to be kind, practice tolerance and to love (and the appropriate use of swear words.)</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I’ve learned that as a white woman, I have a responsibility to use my voice in a way that makes others be heard.</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">And, that it is my responsibility to learn how to be a better ally to people of color, the LGBTQ+ community and other marginalized groups – it is not their job to teach me.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned that as a woman, I must support the rights of all woman </b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">even if I would not exercise that right.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned that as a sexual assault survivor, I had to tell my story</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">not for a personal cleansing but for the validity it may provide to someone else and a message to my daughter.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned that as friend, I can respect our differences</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and hope that I am open enough to learn and listen but also acknowledge that there are times when those differences are painful and almost impossible to understand. And I understand that this post may cost me some friendships.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned that I cannot determine what someone else may find offensive</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">but I can choose to be mindful of the differences of others and move through the world with kindness</i>.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have learned that despite my liberal-ness, I still exist in the bubble of white privilege</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and it is my responsibility to learn to sit in my own discomfort and use my privilege for the good of all people.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">History will not be kind to this time in our country. I want to be certain that I am setting the example I want my child to see. I want there to be no doubt to my child, my family and friends – that I was – that I am – willing to stand up for what is good and decent and right. I don’t want my child to think I was silent in the face of the hatred or discrimination. I don’t want to answer, “Why didn’t you do anything?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In memory of:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Rose Mallinger, age 97</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jerry Rabinowitz, age 66</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Cecil Rosenthal, age 59 and his brother, David Rosenthal, age 54</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Daniel Stein, age 71</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Richard Gottfried, age 65</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Joyce Fienberg, age 75</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Melvin Wax, age 88</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Sylvan Simon, age 86 and his wife, Bernice Simon, age 84</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Irving Younger, age 65</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">To all others who have lost their lives in the face of irrational hatred and discrimination.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">May your memories always be for a blessing.</span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-33439232992008259202018-09-28T10:21:00.000-07:002018-09-28T12:59:25.842-07:00Do You Believe Me?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am shaking as I type this. I’ve very rarely talked about
it. And, before I post this, I will have the most difficult conversation – I will
tell this story to my almost 14-year old daughter. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I often misplace my keys. I cannot always remember where I
parked my car. I’ve even called my daughter by my sister’s name and called my
dog my daughter’s name. But I remember this clearly. I remember what I was
wearing and what I was doing. I remember the month and year and week, if
not the exact date. I remember the friends who kind of laughed and blew it off
and those who took it seriously and checked on me. I remember the police
officer <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(male because at that time, it
was not the norm to have a female officer handle this type of report)</i>
shaking his head and saying there wasn’t much he could do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Beach Week, June 1982. I was 17-years old and like many in
my area, I headed to the beach for a week of completely unsupervised fun. I
knew of no parents going. In fact, I rented an apartment for the week <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(through someone in my neighborhood)</i> and
several friends chipped in to pay for it. We all drove down in our own cars.
Hoards of us – rejoicing from our recent high school graduation and ready to
celebrate with unbridled behavior.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had partied and played most of the week but on this
particular night, I was staying home. We were preparing to host a party the
next night and I wanted a quiet – and sober – night in. I vaguely remember
making mac and cheese for dinner. My purse on the counter of the small kitchen.
A couple that was staying there was out for the evening, two others went out for a reason I don’t remember but they brought home more
than food and drink. They had met a couple of boys and brought them back. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was in the smaller bedroom. You had to walk through this
room to get to the master bedroom and bath. I was lying on my side, facing the
wall. The lights were out as I was trying to sleep but there was ample light
from the kitchen on one end and the master bed and bath on the other. I was not
wearing regular pajamas but a tan velour romper I had made in Home Economics.
It was shorts but strapless. I was lying under a light blanket, my long hair
loose and my eyes closed. Someone walked through the room to the bath and left
again. Shortly after, another person came through. On his way back out, he
stopped by my bed and said something. I remember saying something to the effect
that I was trying to sleep. He flips me on my back and sits on top of me,
straddling my body. My long hair is caught and pulling – it’s hard to turn my
head. He is laughing and encouraging me to play. I say no and he pulls the top
of my romper down. My breasts are exposed and he grabs at me. I am now fully
awake, saying no and scared. There are people just outside but they are laughing
and drinking and likely don’t know the gravity of what is happening. He is
leaning forward, his face in mine and grabbing my breasts. He leans back a bit and laughs. I reach out
and grab his crotch and twist. Not sure how much of him versus his clothes that
I got but I just did it. He cursed and pushed off me. He ran out of the room,
grabbed his friend and they left. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I told the girls in the other room what happened. They were
not overly sympathetic but asked how I was. They were laughing about it – not
at me, but at the whole situation. I’m not entirely sure they were completely
sober - I was. We then realized he had also robbed me. He took my tan leather
wallet that had my money, my dad’s Exxon card, my license. If memory serves, he
may have also taken my friends’ wallets. We knew his name.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We went to the police. At the time, the Maryland beaches
were small towns and the police station we went to was in a trailer. We
reported the theft and I remember him rolling his eyes at girls that had
allowed strange boys into their apartment. I didn’t tell him about the assault.
I could tell by the look on his face that I would be blamed. I was ashamed. It was a “he said –
she said” situation. I told my parents that I had lost my wallet. I’m
certain I wove some story around it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Word spread what had happened and we cancelled our party for
the next night. I was mostly left alone but I do remember one friend and her
boyfriend at the time – they called, they came by. Was I okay? Did I need
anything? I remember her anger at the situation – at our other friends bringing
strangers in, at what had happened. That type of stuff pissed her off – still does.
I’m proud to say that this person is still one of my closest friends. I don’t
know if she remembers this – we’ve not talked about it since. I don’t know if
she realizes how much her reaching out meant to me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We went home a day or so later. The Baltimore Police Dept called to tell me they had found my wallet and my stepfather picked it up for
me. It was a good leather wallet – I remember saving to buy at Georgetown
Leather. I threw it out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The following week I started my summer job as a camp
counselor at a local day camp. I drank a lot on the weekends. One weekend, some
fellow counselors and I were drinking at camp well after camp hours. We were
playing drinking games. The camp director was with us. I remember he kept
moving closer to me, touching me. One of the other counselors noticed this and
asked if I was okay. I excused myself to go to the bathroom, the director
followed me. I know I was more than tipsy. I remember when I came out of the
bathroom, he was right there. He backed me up against the wall, he kissed me. I
was not fully coherent but I remember turning my head. I then remember that
other counselor was there – looking for me. He brought me back to the table and
stayed by my side. This was shortly before my 18<sup>th</sup> birthday. The
camp director was likely in his 30’s. I knew I was really lucky "nothing" had happened....until I got fired a few weeks later as rumors swirled.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Shortly thereafter, I went away to college. Just a short
distance away near Baltimore. That friend that checked up on me at the beach
was there, too. We further cemented our friendship. I made other friends,
important ones. The kind where we would have deep and meaningful conversations.
I never told them. I was in a campus building one day, there were pictures of
faculty members on the wall. A lot of pictures. But one caught my eye so
quickly there may as well been a light shining on it. The face was so familiar
but more importantly, the name. The name was the same as that boy from the
beach. His father was on the faculty. I remember that name to this day.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I changed schools after my freshman year and moved across
country. I told myself and everyone else that I just really wanted to go to
California. It was far from my parents, my brother was there and that was where
I wanted to be. I did not have enough self-awareness at the time to link my
experiences with my move. I'm sure it contributed to it my rash decision to re-locate. I don’t regret that move.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Some say that we are the sum of our experiences. I like to
believe that the negative experiences are lessons and while I’m not a better
person for having had those things happen, I've tried to grow as a person and learn about myself. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I share this not to seek sympathy. I share this because I
know many people – friends, colleagues, friends of friends – who think they do
not know anyone who had experiences like the ones we’re reading so much about. I
want to tell them that they are wrong – they know me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I share this because I am more than that experience. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I share this because it’s important that my daughter know
that there is no shame in telling about this. I will always believe her.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I share this because I know others are afraid to share their experiences.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I share this because I believe the other victims.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Yes, I know times
have changed</b> – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">perspective has
changed, the crime has not. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Yes, I’ve heard boys
will be boys</b> – <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">but those boys grow
into men and perpetuate the behavior and belief. It’s an ugly cycle. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Yes, I have moved on –
and he likely has, too.</b> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">In fact, he’s
probably never thought twice about what happened. I think about it every single
time I hear a story about violence against women. Every. Single.Time. </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">While typing this, I was shaking, short of breath and crying
– afraid to blink because I see it happening again. So, while I may not
remember where my phone is or what I needed in the kitchen, I will always
remember this. Some things you simply don’t forget.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">If you have been a
victim of sexual assault – you are not alone. Talk to your friends, family and
reach out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. We believe
you.</i></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">Update: Lucky is not the right word but best describes how I feel about my experiences compared to others. That said, this is not a contest. Each person that experiences this is - hopefully - a survivor. We cannot diminish the experience that others may have, we can only validate, offer support and believe. </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /></i></span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-40348455972444239712017-06-28T14:23:00.002-07:002017-06-28T14:34:30.274-07:00Making Room AKA My Big Susan Got Engaged<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
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</xml><![endif]--><!--[if gte mso 10]>
<style>
/* Style Definitions */
table.MsoNormalTable
{mso-style-name:"Table Normal";
mso-tstyle-rowband-size:0;
mso-tstyle-colband-size:0;
mso-style-noshow:yes;
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The phone call
came when I was asleep – just like in the movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had been sleeping for more than an hour.
When I saw her name on the phone I knew – either someone died or…“The One just proposed!” I could hear her smile. I
sputtered my true congratulations with a sleep-laden voice. I could tell she
kept looking at her finger <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(uh, BFFs for
25 years means I can tell you many, many things about her and I have <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2011/08/in-closet-with-friends.html">here</a>
and <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2011/09/to-my-big-susan-t.html">here</a>
and <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-fucking-psychic-was-wrong-aka-what.html">here</a>.)</i>
In year that had barely started and already felt like a lifetime, this was
welcome and joyous news. And then she said it, she said those words I knew were
coming, “He’s right here. Do you want to talk to him?” Of course I did – he’s a
great guy and he’s landed the best of the best. I wanted to wish him congrats
and let him know how thrilled and excited I was for both of them. I also wanted
to threaten him within an inch of his life if he ever hurt her.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It was a short call. They were away for the weekend and
she needed to tell someone immediately. I am so lucky it was me. I hung up with
tears in my eyes and joy in my heart. But I won’t lie – those tears were more
than just joy.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My Big Susan was getting married. They’ve been together
for 2-1/2 years so it’s hardly a surprise. The drift had started and I had
already been feeling that odd kind of fracture that happens when one person
within the friendship has someone so amazingly special in their life that their
go-to person changes a bit. We live in different states so there have always
been others but we always knew, day or night, who to call for those big
talks….or to discuss what the hell was whats-her-name wearing to the Oscars and
“oh my God, can that [insert politician’s name] pull their head out of their
ass moments. I knew during these last 36 months that I wasn’t the first to hear
her fears, joys and worries – but I knew they were being heard and it was as it
should be. There is great comfort in that.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I did not meet him until last Spring. I was the last of
the friends to do so. They came to visit for a long weekend. Major kudos to him
for his willingness to a.) stay in a strangers home, with a cat (he’s allergic)
and a 12-year old with a healthy dose of snark, b) knowingly visit when there
is a major horse show and one whole day will be spent in a dusty, smelly venue,
which if it’s not your thing is a bit like watching paint dry and c.) know that
as the oldest friend and likely the most sarcastic, he could be walking into
the proverbial lion’s den. I thought of what my sister told a boyfriend who
came for dinner long ago, “Just don’t talk to my sister. She’ll rip you a new
asshole.” I don’t say that with pride at all and thankfully, I’ve learned to
control my tongue over the years. It’s the look on my face that can be equally
telling.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">These last few months have been full of wedding plans,
wedding dress shopping via text pictures (there were stunners, some weird boobs
and a jaw-dropping final choice), the email confirming the date. I’ve listened
to bands online, looked at venue pictures, and florist websites. Thank God for
the internet.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We’ve also gone weeks without talking – a first for us.
The One has moved in and it’s taken some time to adjust to man things….and kid
things. The One has three little darlings and Neiman has a whole new maternal
role (have to admit – so much of this makes me laugh!!). It’s a life change – a
wonderful, amazing, but still challenging, life change. For those of us are
parents and came to the role with infants who roared, we all had our own ways
of adjusting, but we called the parenting shots. For Neiman, she has had to
gracefully step into the role of step-parent. An often thankless role that is
easily full of all of the guts and little of the glory <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(I say this as a stepchild who was blessed with an amazing step-parent
and one a bit more challenging.)</i> I know her head is reeling and she is
overwhelmed-- I hear what she does not say.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, this weekend, she is coming to visit. Just Neiman.
The One is staying home and Mini-me is off at camp and it will truly be a girls’ weekend. There will be a
spa, shopping and no doubt, wine and whine. There will be talking, laughter and
sharing. I know it will be like it always is. I have no doubt that we will slip
into the familiar roles of best friends.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have much to learn here. I have friends who married
long time partners – partners that I have known for years and years so there is
an established relationship even if I remain closer to one than the other. I
have married friends where I met both people at the same time and we’re all
good friends. I have old friends who I have reconnected with on Facebook and
never met their spouse – but we live far apart so there is no opportunity to
really develop those partner relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And, I have friends who have or had spouses who well….the less said, the
better. This is a new one. I don’t expect that he and I will become the kind of
friends who communicate or connect away from Neiman, but I wonder—will our
relationship grow into any kind of friendship? Does it have to?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know when I got pregnant <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(she was my second call after the first disastrous one)</i> and became
a mother – she was there and promised to be there no matter what. She has held,
changed, worried <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(likely been annoyed)</i>,
laughed and loved my Mini-Me. She supported me no matter whacky-ass parenting
decision I was making at any given time. She embraced this new part of my life
with a kind of grace that is uniquely Neiman. But I know that this fundamental
change in my life changed our friendship. There have been moments of grief –
and guilt – that I have not been as present or available for things. Her
gracious understanding means more than she will ever know.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know friendships change over time. Life happens and
creates bumps – those ups and downs remind us what and who matters. I want to
believe – no, I do believe –that this is just a new chapter in the story of our
friendship. It’s just my turn to return that unquestionable love and support,
that shoulder and that ear, that gracious <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(fuck,
have I ever been gracious?)</i> understanding in that safe place called
friendship. After all, if my mother and the original Big Susan could get
through their entire lives with nary a bump, this should be nothing.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just as Neiman has to learn to navigate her new life, I know
that I have to learn to adjust to the shadow that is The One – always there
even when he is not. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, I’m certain he
will adjust to the role that only a bestie can fill. He’s a good man – a lucky
man. I like him a lot. I love that he makes Neiman’s heart so full. But I will
still fucking shiv him if he hurts her. Best friends are like that.</span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’m at the age. That age where friends’ parents are aging
and our conversations always include those inquiries - about care-taking, care-giving, frailty, illness and questions of "what can I do?" Most of my friends still
have their parents – or at least one parent. I’m one of the few who has already
learned that hard goodbye. With one particular friend, these conversations were
all too frequent this last year. It's so hard to lose someone - even when expected. It's hard to lose someone who was just larger than life –
even in his humble day to day life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Today, we lost one of those men. Today, we lost Jerry Parr.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jerry, or Mr. Parr <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(at
least until I was in my 30’s</i>), was dad to one of my oldest friends. She was
a neighborhood friend, a school friend, an adult friend, a mom friend and now
an old friend (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and I mean that in the
best possible way.)</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have stories.
We have stories that we laugh about and ones we have never told anyone. She was
the first of my friends to have children – and seeing her girls as adults is astonishing
to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is an awesome mom – and I’ve
sought her advice more than once. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Our
families are in the background of our friendship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Families who knew us well, watched us
grow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Parents we made fun of and then
promptly grew up to emulate, whether we liked it or not.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Many call their dad a hero but my friend truly can. You see,
her dad saved President Reagan’s life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On that fateful March day, Jerry pushed the President into the car and
gave the directive to get to the hospital.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember that day. The news; the fear of not knowing if Mr.
Parr was okay. The discomfort of not knowing what to say to my friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember the relief of finally knowing he
was okay. Of course, my emotions were nothing compared to what his family went
through.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But my real memories of Jerry are greater than what they
show on the news or write in the paper.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a clear memory of being at the house and watching him go to get
eggs from the chicken coop. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a suit. Before
he went to work protecting a President. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Do
you know what chickens smell like?</i> And, that rooster - I believe he was the
only one that liked that animal. They both shared a certain bravado. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what I remember most is how happy he was
to be gathering those eggs. He had a smile on his face and perhaps a spring in
his step.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I remember his laughter. I remember his stories. I remember
him laughing at his own stories and jokes. One of my favorite memories is at
the beach house with my friend, her husband and their two girls. Jerry
announced his presence by arriving with a cooler full of…..a large
snapping turtle found on the side of the road. He was thrilled and wanted
to show his little granddaughters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
daughter, who shared his gift for succinct communication, was clear that that
particular animal was not welcome in the house. She may have used the word “foul”
to describe it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was gleeful and just
kept laughing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Always a tender heart, he
ultimately released the beast into wood far outside the house.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There was a massive storm that night, the
lights went out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh the stories he
shared over cold beer and crabs and candlelight.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I remember visiting when my own dad was ill. I was always
made to feel so welcome in their home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These were friends that had been around so long they were like family.
These last few years, I have relished every post, every old picture, every
anecdote shared by his daughters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read
his books cover to cover.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Naturally, Mini-Me knows about my friend and her family. In fact,
Mini bears an uncanny resemblance to her daughter (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mini saw her wedding pictures and declared her the most beautiful bride
ever</i>.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told Mini-Me about Jerry,
too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She was duly impressed with Jerry
and secretly thrilled that her mom knew a real hero. I may have been cool for a second or two.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last summer, when I took Mini-Me back to DC, we went to my
friend’s house, we went to their beach house. Mini squealed a bit to be in a real
hero’s house. To her, this humble, well
loved and lived in beach house may as well have been a castle. I could hear his
laughter in each room. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Tonight, as I
quietly sobbed at Jerry’s passing, Mini asked me what had happened. I told her
that Mr. Parr had died.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She looked at me
with tears in her eyes and said, “Mom, we lost a real hero.”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yes, Mini, we did.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
lost a hero to many – but a special family lost a husband, father and
grandfather.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our hearts ache for them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Oh the stories among the stars tonight.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Rest In Peace, Jerry. You were well loved. You will be well
missed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>May your memory always be for a
blessing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Jerry Studstill<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Parr</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">September 16, 1930 – October 9, 2015 </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For more information about this amazing man:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2015-10-09/jerry-parr-secret-service-agent-who-saved-reagan-dead-at-85">Bloomberg
Business</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1414378718?keywords=jerry%20parr&qid=1444452991&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1">In
the Secret Service: The Story of the Man Who Saved President Reagan’s Life</a></span></div>
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Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-29400143311580759842015-10-06T18:27:00.001-07:002015-10-06T18:27:42.646-07:00Tolerance is a two-way street<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I want you to do something.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I want you to think about that friend you recently met for lunch, drinks
or coffee – you laughed and laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
made fun of your kids or your boss. You traded recipes. You are Facebook
friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She has great decorating ideas
for that weird corner in your living room and you helped her pick up that great
chair she found on Craigslist.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ve
talked about parenting, jobs, relationship woes, stress, periods, hot flashes,
constipation and sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is a good
friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And then, that friend posts something on Facebook about
politics or religion that is completely contrary to what you believe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re puzzled – this is a person who you
have always seen treat every person with respect and kindness, who has a
diverse group of friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is
someone who has been in your home, gotten drunk with you, wiped your tears. How
can this person believe this? How can they think this way?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can you still be their friend?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We are living in what can be really divisive times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People feel strongly about social issues,
fiscal decisions and school curriculum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Are we willing to cast aside friendships – strong and positive
friendships – because we disagree on a few things? If so, what does that say
about us? What message does that send to our children?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We teach our young children to share, to be respectful of
others, to play with Suzy, Johnny, Sasha, River, Ravi and Bindi. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well tell them to play nicely and not make fun
of someone’s name, family or beliefs. We emphasize that it’s okay that our
friends are different – it’s how we learn about different ways, different
cultures, and different religions. And, at the end of the day, those
differences – the color of their skin, the neighborhood they live in, their one
mommy or two daddies doesn’t matter – they are nice kids, and fun to play with
and you get along well.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Why are we different as adults?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I look at my friends – and I have all kinds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have teacher friends, lawyer friends and a
surprising number of doctor/nurse friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have mom friends, dad friends, reporter friends and even one really
cool judge friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My friends are creative,
smart, hilarious, kind and witty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Some of my friends believe in one kind of God, some in
another.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some worship on Sunday – others
on Saturday.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve stood up for Brenda
Starr in a Catholic wedding with a full mass (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">man, that was a lot of up and down</i><i> in a loud taffeta dress</i>) and danced the hora at
Runners.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some friends believe their home
isn’t complete without a pet and others have never owned one (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">seriously, I don’t understand this at all but
they are still my friends.</i>)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We have different tastes in movies and music and books – but
through them I’ve seen, heard and read some great things I never would have
picked out on my own.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have vegetarian
and vegan friends – gotten some great recipes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have friends that parent very differently than I do or those that are
more my style.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> But we all love our kids.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My friends sit on both sides of the political aisle and for
the most part can talk reasonably about why they feel that way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Honestly, my friends believe many things (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and seriously, based on the shit you guys
share on Facebook – you believe almost anything. Are you really that gullible?
Does anyone fact check????</i>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My point? My friends became my friends before I discovered
some belief that does not align with mine or some weird interest that I don’t
understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should we stop being friends because they don’t
vote the same way I do?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve seen – more
than once – someone on Facebook say, “This is really important to me and if you
don’t believe the same way, unfriend me now.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Now let’s be clear – I’m not talking about those that spew
hateful rhetoric at those who believe differently.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not talking about criminal or legal
issues (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">except for the whole guilty/not
guilty on stuff like Casey Anthony – she is clearly guilty and anyone who
disagrees is a douche…but can still be my friend.</i>)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m talking about politics, faith-based
decisions, football teams, bad calls from a referee, parenting philosophies,
breast feeding and cloth vs disposable diapers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>These are the things I’ve seen cause people to absolutely lose their shit.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdAHAr0N9LubKDQ5UC2QaDw-kPGgPspRkls7Bke2gITehm3SaR24KRSwiVpnYjxs_clOFiYY4lu0ByjlBVVcUeL6rJMJtHopuYDtxsEbho6qZt5V5r5XxHTAIFkQoSUmj7okE9Pt1rkQtT/s1600/respect.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdAHAr0N9LubKDQ5UC2QaDw-kPGgPspRkls7Bke2gITehm3SaR24KRSwiVpnYjxs_clOFiYY4lu0ByjlBVVcUeL6rJMJtHopuYDtxsEbho6qZt5V5r5XxHTAIFkQoSUmj7okE9Pt1rkQtT/s1600/respect.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">How can we expect anyone to respect our opinion – as different
as it may be from theirs – if we don’t respect theirs?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How can we expect tolerance if we don’t
practice tolerance (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">notice I said “practice”
because sometimes this shit is hard!</i>)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Our friends who do things differently offer us a great opportunity to
learn more. Will I change my vote?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Will
I leave my faith for theirs?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Highly
unlikely but I will gain a better understanding of why they believe what they
do and it’s likely, in the course of that conversation, I will hear and see
glimmers of why we are friends in the first place.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In turn, they may gain a better understanding
of my perspective.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>More often than not,
we can simply agree to disagree and continue laughing about something stupid
our kids or our boss did.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Stretch is a good friend – I’ve spoken of her often
(including <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2012/01/you-get-what-you-deserve.html">here</a>.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I met her through a <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2011/06/moms-clubs-aka-moms-who-whine.html">moms
group</a> that some of us were asked to leave (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">and others left so quickly there were skid marks</i>) so we started our
own covert snark fest.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We could not be
more different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s a tall willowy
blond.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am…well, not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She is young, wildly creative with a hip
husband, two awesome girls and a family hobby of racing things with engines at
very high speeds. We have some different political philosophies but during a
really great conversation in the very early stages of our friendship, she told
me, “We both ultimately want similar things – we just go about getting there
differently.” </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXqD9HMRFYdRiIHvkojWkLfy1SrTB7L7gzqXuqtMM5S4wxt1tumojIyha376zAdYFDWkw7FO8UhyphenhyphenOb8m0qK_gDhzNd7w9HWZWX8NqeQhzZr0kK5CSohyb_FEEKvOXAAd9nNnTNQfR6khg4/s1600/getalong.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="245" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXqD9HMRFYdRiIHvkojWkLfy1SrTB7L7gzqXuqtMM5S4wxt1tumojIyha376zAdYFDWkw7FO8UhyphenhyphenOb8m0qK_gDhzNd7w9HWZWX8NqeQhzZr0kK5CSohyb_FEEKvOXAAd9nNnTNQfR6khg4/s320/getalong.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, as we head into a heated year of politics, hot topics, heated
issues and endless opportunities to stomp our feet and declare our self-righteousness
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>– let’s take a deep breath, count to
ten, recognize we are not likely to change the mind of those that feel strongly
the other way nor are they going to change our mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Embrace what we do have in common and for the
love of God people, fact check!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">PS<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- And, remember that friend I mentioned at
the beginning of the post? Yeah, well, call that friend immediately and chat
over a drink or three. If you can talk about poop, sex and gynecological issues
then you can talk about your differences, move past them and continue a great
friendship. Maybe that person will even become your Big Susan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-33069484256212951432015-09-10T17:17:00.001-07:002015-09-10T17:17:45.547-07:00I'm a loser, are you?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It’s been a long time and while I could likely weave a story
or two about why – suffice it to say that there has been some self examination
and purging going on.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We all know how I feel about my friends.They are the
bestest ever. I love them and consider myself rich because of their presence in
my life. They are a blessing. For me, my friends are the foundation on which
I’ve built my chosen family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Without a
doubt, we learn from our friends but our lives are also so enriched by lessons
are often hidden in the laughs, the suggestions (<i>gentle or otherwise</i>), the time
simply spent together resulting in changes in attitude, behavior or even
opinion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But what about friends that are lost? What happens when you
lose a friend?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are also folks you
spent time with, shared ideas, heard their ideas – maybe considered them a
blessing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did the ending of the friendship
turn into a lesson instead of a blessing?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What do we take away from friendships that go sideways?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some friendships are based on things that
change over time and for whatever reason they cannot be sustained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may run into one another once in a while
or still trade holiday cards – these have fizzled out but the memory is a
reasonably warm one.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other friendships
end because someone was a jackass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now –
it may be the other person or it may be you (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">we’ve all been there, just own it</i>) – but regardless, the friendship
can’t move past the jackass factor and these friendships likely went out in a
blaze of glory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Let’s be clear, I’m not talking about friendships that ended
because someone doesn’t support a life choice or those who truly belittle your
beliefs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not talking about friends
who feel it’s their job to tell you the “facts” or be brutally “honest” when
all they really have is closed mind and a strong opinion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not talking about those “friends” who are
only around when times are good and they can enjoy the ride. Those “friends?”
Fuck those people – they don’t deserve you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because, really – life is too short for crappy friends.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’m talking about
those folks with whom we establish a friendship, a relationship – some level of
connection or commitment. We invest in that relationship – and then it ends.This isn’t like the ending of a romantic relationship, where hearts are broken
and men (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">or women, hey, whatever floats
your boat</i>) are declared turds and you’ll never love again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A friendship ending is different – friends
are supposed to be there no matter what, aren’t they?</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9AOJlfIWODsHGGYZtjAMgn4HRQ_m5rBDuu-RM_cykvErSIgya0fFv49hF0o8iJk_2ZgqC2SiQE89aQ5YOwAOyklhUOG0fGHv6kCL3CfMzDzsoZLd2H9ZdH-2hUoO_NhqiCa8qFL1gR9dZ/s1600/blessinglesson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg9AOJlfIWODsHGGYZtjAMgn4HRQ_m5rBDuu-RM_cykvErSIgya0fFv49hF0o8iJk_2ZgqC2SiQE89aQ5YOwAOyklhUOG0fGHv6kCL3CfMzDzsoZLd2H9ZdH-2hUoO_NhqiCa8qFL1gR9dZ/s200/blessinglesson.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’ve come to believe that the answer is no.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We change, we grow – we tolerate less – or
more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There is some shift, in attitude
or behavior that simply makes the friendship unsustainable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As painful as it may be (and it does hurt –
in a deep and different way than a romantic loss,) these friends – or former
friends – can teach us valuable lessons. Regardless of the duration of the friendship,
these are people that came into our lives for a reason.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Years ago, I stopped
speaking with someone who had been a dear friend for 25 years, someone who
wasn’t supportive of a major life choice I had made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I had always appreciated her “tell it
like it is” attitude, she could not separate herself from her own experience or
opinion in order to be supportive of what I was doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was a scary time for me – I was feeling
fragile and very alone; unsupportive friends and family magnified those
feelings. We didn’t speak for almost a decade.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We have since re-connected on Facebook. We aren’t particularly close now
though messages have been exchanged on major life milestones or losses and I’m
really glad about that. We’ve only chatted through messaging or posts but I
know re-connecting was the right thing – a good thing. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I learned that having
a rich history matters. hat sometimes, just sometimes, what was positive
outweighs an isolated pile of crap.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
learned how important it is to not only be supportive when I understand – but even
more so when I don’t.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I once walked away from a friendship that was too draining –
it simply zapped every ounce of energy, compassion and reason. With the help of
Geek, I cut the cord. It was hard because I genuinely like this person. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I do occasionally speak with her now and enjoy
the limited nature of a friendship with a person who is so vastly different –
and similar – to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I learned that
boundaries are important in all relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>If I don’t set my own, I only have myself to blame when others don’t
acknowledge them.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’ve also had people walk away from me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Choosing to not get involved, to not defend,
is a shaky area and I do get it. But let’s be honest – neutral doesn’t apply to
any relationship. I really did expect friends to be honest and stand up for me. </span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRobLs4I8SlyYLF-GIVmRToVUuUy9e5KvdxNZ9yIwNKsyHMMOIq8bYdAtSYLKcTn2FIAmmRfs2t5JM3aMcLseca4f6Q8Mjo6vxJTwb9ao3QyY8tNXf2uFMIkZU_1reIMnBaLV2_4p_5-5O/s1600/expectations.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjRobLs4I8SlyYLF-GIVmRToVUuUy9e5KvdxNZ9yIwNKsyHMMOIq8bYdAtSYLKcTn2FIAmmRfs2t5JM3aMcLseca4f6Q8Mjo6vxJTwb9ao3QyY8tNXf2uFMIkZU_1reIMnBaLV2_4p_5-5O/s200/expectations.jpg" width="192" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I learned that loyalty
is really important to me but that expecting others to share my sense of
“right” sets me up for disappointment and isn’t fair to anyone involved.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This hasn’t changed my sense of loyalty in a
friendship; it just means that knowing where folks – where friends stand – is
important.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It can be a good way to determine
where we are on the friendship food chain and who you can count on to help bury
the bodies.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’ve also had the unsettling experience of someone just walking
away from me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I own that I was feeling
resentful and annoyed and instead of taking a step back and just creating space
or reaching out to talk, I was snippy, snarky and likely a bit of a jackass (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">this is me, owning my own shit – can you do
the same?</i>).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am as aware today as I
was back then that that when I stopped being so agreeable and generous the
friendship faltered. Neither of us reached out to talk about. Perhaps we didn’t
value the friendship or simply didn’t have the energy to work through the
situation. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Perhaps we were each going
through something that neither felt comfortable sharing.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I learned that when
something feels unbalanced, when I feel like I’m giving and giving and not
getting much back (I’m not talking about tit for tat – I’m talking about
acknowledgement, gratitude) – I either have to be willing to talk or willing to
walk.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Snark and sass don’t solve the
problem. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHqMOfgWO0tDE0fBBvJtXk5-nSBBrNJ0dOAuXNTKk0P6uQ5TyPzpCuwJXE-GBn2LHW68CXfxQbxKejI1HTQUP3TGZ0P8r5iEz7iRe7zjhjenXR7FJ9M5wIICr-6_5jcbIjOMtZIge56Jl/s1600/grudge.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqHqMOfgWO0tDE0fBBvJtXk5-nSBBrNJ0dOAuXNTKk0P6uQ5TyPzpCuwJXE-GBn2LHW68CXfxQbxKejI1HTQUP3TGZ0P8r5iEz7iRe7zjhjenXR7FJ9M5wIICr-6_5jcbIjOMtZIge56Jl/s200/grudge.jpg" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">At the end of the day, all of these peoples were lessons. I’m
glad they came into my life – and in some cases, left and came back. I’m
grateful for the experience. For the chance to learn. I’d like to think I’m a
better person for it but there are likely many that would still call me an
asshole. And lest I sound too Pollyanna-ish (<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">as if that would ever happen</i>) let’s be clear that I hope I was a
good study and don’t make the same fucking mistakes again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><i> PS - Major thanks to Neiman - for some reason, this was a really hard post to write, edit, re-write, edit again and finally tell myself it was okay to post. She was with me every step of the way. Sigh - she puts up with a lot. Thanks T! I couldn't do this (or my closest) without you.</i></span></span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-66722037187211233822015-05-21T14:16:00.000-07:002015-05-21T14:16:14.629-07:00It's all my fault and I don't regret a single thing.<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I saw this picture and immediately thought of Brenda Starr (one of my Big Susans). I mean - we go way way back (Okay, who saw that movie? Awesome!) to life before braces, puberty, hair products and any form of independence. She knows all sorts of shit about me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguqsCtlrhsPCNMUWt1_RRLZZWI_qS7OnMJCBsfOEJCBDlQDORfM8GpQ_x8P_Z_WUhJDDO4L6pWP3CyP4ZTdsl9AobbwORnykVdTnjKCN8YmXobI3uK8f1B2RVr7h65h7iUkRor1LTTROS1/s1600/influence.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguqsCtlrhsPCNMUWt1_RRLZZWI_qS7OnMJCBsfOEJCBDlQDORfM8GpQ_x8P_Z_WUhJDDO4L6pWP3CyP4ZTdsl9AobbwORnykVdTnjKCN8YmXobI3uK8f1B2RVr7h65h7iUkRor1LTTROS1/s400/influence.jpg" width="277" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So...I sent this to her with the note "For some reason, this made me think of you."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Her response, "Hilarious. As I recall, you were the bad influence."</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sigh. I can't even pretend that isn't true. And, I'm not sorry.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Note: Mr. & Mrs M (her parents) still have no idea. And yes, I still call her parents Mr and Mrs because even though I am almost 51, I will never be adult enough to call these two by their first name. Ever.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">May you each a friend who was a bad influence. It's worked out pretty well for us. </span><br />
<br />
<br />Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-69420919170643106902014-11-24T10:36:00.003-07:002014-11-24T10:36:32.359-07:00Just Put Your Lips Together and Blow aka Birthday Wishes<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHzccXj9kqRmfaIt6E5ddSq-Orl7W1HOgfZ-ks2kI_k8TGxnvfGGPKMWFTFE3IONdcg1kXD3OS2P6zS1VJsyGJienfbIr_Zeter13ioQNmSacliurJPQHTdvWyShsf64n6SmZdcETVLikg/s1600/dearbestfriend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHzccXj9kqRmfaIt6E5ddSq-Orl7W1HOgfZ-ks2kI_k8TGxnvfGGPKMWFTFE3IONdcg1kXD3OS2P6zS1VJsyGJienfbIr_Zeter13ioQNmSacliurJPQHTdvWyShsf64n6SmZdcETVLikg/s1600/dearbestfriend.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I don’t know if there is anything to read into the fact that
Big Susan and Neiman have birthdays one day apart.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seems rather fitting that two such
extraordinary women were born under the same moon. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Kind of appropriate, you know?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A holiday where we acknowledge our thanks
would not be complete without a toast to two people who embody all that for
which we should be thankful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope they
both know just how grateful I am for them not only during this season of thanks
– but always.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To
Big Susan,</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
hope you’re starting your day in a great way. Perhaps you and Mom are wearing
your matching bathrobes while having coffee, doing the crossword puzzle (in
pen) and reading the obits (so you know who is coming.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps Jack is making you breakfast and my
Dad will stop by later because as he always said, “I like Susan. I’ve always
liked her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s a great broad.”</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
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</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
hope your day is spent doing everything that makes you happy including watching
your children and grandchildren live and love, prosper and thrive and if you
see them stumble, giving them a boost before they even know they need it.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
hope you bask in the glow of love and adoration from those near and far.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A visit with your wonderful mother, your
cousin Joan, other friends and family who stand with you now as well as the
warmth of those down here that send you love and miss you every day.</i></span></div>
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</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #cc0000;"> <b> _______________________________________________________________ </b></span><b> </b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="text-indent: .5in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To
Neiman,</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You’ve
celebrated big this weekend; surrounded by friends, festivities, music, drinks
and fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I so wish I could have been there.
Nothing would have made me happier than to raise a glass or three in your
honor; to see your smile glow in the warmth of being loved.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin-bottom: 0in; margin-left: .7in; margin-right: .7in; margin-top: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">As
usual, my card and gift will be late because I can’t always get my shit
together. That said I hope you did appreciate my gift of not calling you bright
and early yesterday (as you know I am likely to do) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>so you could enjoy those chocolate dipped strawberries,
coffee and other treats so thoughtfully delivered by someone who may have
naked.</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
hope you enjoyed every minute of your celebration.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope there was much laughter and that
wonderful memories were made.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I hope the
love of family and friends surrounds you on your birthday and always.</i></span></div>
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</span><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm0BD3M2GNYQ781JCwj37Vyz-TDRz-wHSzJujDgghx9NAdYnTv3cgac6pKMmNnltInxOZb5ittDzWKRlionrZP4HqfwX1BYCCz5Aw27OpQwtLSMWw_OfUpyL187yGLGLMrpyXhO3W1D9P9/s1600/thanksfriend.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhm0BD3M2GNYQ781JCwj37Vyz-TDRz-wHSzJujDgghx9NAdYnTv3cgac6pKMmNnltInxOZb5ittDzWKRlionrZP4HqfwX1BYCCz5Aw27OpQwtLSMWw_OfUpyL187yGLGLMrpyXhO3W1D9P9/s1600/thanksfriend.jpg" height="224" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">These two amazing women have taught me much and their
similarities are startling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Neither one
has ever raised their voice to me <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(if you
know me, you know that is pretty fucking amazing.</i>)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are polar opposites of their best friend
yet their friendship has been a deep bond from the start and lasted a lifetime
and then some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both offer unconditional
love and support, unwavering commitment to friendship. Never asking why but
grabbing the shovel to help you dig out, dig in or bury the body. They are
truly a testament to friendship – they have defined it, they live(d) it and it
is their legacy – both living and in memory.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So cheers to Big Susan and Neiman.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You are loved deeply today and always.</span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-3009500174929185212014-11-01T23:13:00.000-07:002014-11-01T23:13:22.991-07:00Here is what I do know.<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It's been a long time since I've written. If it's any consolation, I've thought a lot about it - trying to get my head around what I want to say. I'm still not sure. But, today is a a special day and I couldn't let that pass without a note.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">---------------------</span><br />
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Dear Rona, </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Today, you would have been 50.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve no doubt that along with everything
else, you would have worn this well and with perfect hair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But
like all other November firsts that have passed since 1999, I wonder what you
would have been like during that particular year.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Would your hair be long or short?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you have finally given up your perfect
tan and taken up sunscreen?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would
California Chicken Salad from White Flint still be your favorite – or as recent
changes have taken place – would you be missing it madly? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you still complain about what a pain in
the ass it is to make your caramel brownies – but you’d do it anyway and with a
smile on your face?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you have
finally bought a car with an automatic transmission?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Would you still be taping a little paper with
the date on your mascara so you’d know to throw it out after exactly 3 months?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Hard to know those things, but<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>here is what I do know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know you would still be hilariously funny.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know that I Love Lucy and Shirley Temple
movies would still make you laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
know that,you would remember every<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>name from junior high and high school and be Facebook friends with them all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I know you’d still love a summer full of the beach, hard shell crabs and
outdoor concerts and that you’d have a hard time finding good leather gloves
that fit your very long fingers.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know you would be successful in whatever you were
doing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know your mother would still be
driving you crazy and you’d roll your eyes at her – and talk to her
every.single.day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you would still
be doting on your grown nephews and niece – reveling in their accomplishments.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know I would have called you to confirm the
appropriateness of an outfit or ask who the hell is friending me on Facebook,
only to have you remind me for the tenth time that I sat next to that person in
English or History but never math because I skipped that class all the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know when motherhood had me questioning my
sanity, you would have reassured me and told me I was doing just fine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you would have promised to tell
Mini-Me all about our exploits – and she would have held you to that. I know
you would have dragged my ass to our reunion.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know you would have held my hand when I buried my parents
and shared my joy at the birth of my daughter. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I know you would be dragging my sister, who
recently relocated back to that area, to the mall in search of warm clothes, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>trying to get her excited about shopping. You
would do that not because you are particularly close to my sister, but because
I am – and you would do that in my absence. And you would both laugh your asses
off while making fun of people at the mall and my sister would smile and know
just why you were my Big Susan.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I would still call you at all hours – and you me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would talk – and text – about all the same
shit we talked about for years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would
never say our names when we call, just “hey, it’s me.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We would know just by the sound of the others voice if the other was okay or what they needed.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But what I know most of all is that you would still be my
friend – my Big Susan.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We may not be
together<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>today but I take comfort in
knowing you’re in great company. No doubt my dad toasted you with a good scotch
and Jack and my mom made you a little something to eat. I'm certain you're surrounded by friends - and family - who also left us way too soon. While these things comfort me - I'm selfish enough to admit they also piss me off. I'd rather you be here.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Happy 50<sup>th</sup> Birthday Rona.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss you every day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-82759216569122485342014-06-27T12:19:00.000-07:002014-06-27T12:19:29.131-07:00Missing you<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Today is the last evening I have to myself. I pick up
Mini-me from camp tomorrow morning <i>(can’t wait!)</i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><i> </i> </span>It’s been a few crazy weeks at work and
tonight will likely be spent having a few cocktails with a good friend. As
delightful as that will be, what I’d really like to do is talk to Rona.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You see today marks 15 years that she has
been gone.</div>
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And, as much as I would really like to sit at a bar and have
a cocktail and talk to Rona, I’m reasonably sure that talking and laughing out
loud with myself – laughing so hard I may snort – would all be frowned
upon.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And just saying the words in my
head doesn’t seem the same.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I will
write her a letter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dear
Ro,</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">How
the hell are you? I miss you like crazy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Life has been good, bad and all the stuff in between.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>There
is much to tell you and much I want to know.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I have so many questions and while I know you don’t have all the
answers, you make me think differently about things and often, offer some
twisted humor to put it all in perspective.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Mini-me
is growing quickly – she would certainly be your shopping buddy. Girlfriend
loves a good bargain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While I never
forget I’m her parent, she can be quite the pal; you would love that and she
would love her tante Rona.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She loves
Hebrew and Sunday school – the ritual and tradition, learning the songs and taking
pride in writing Hebrew words.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never
had that background but know it was so important to you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Each week it reinforces that giving her your
Hebrew name honors you in the best possible way. You will be there with her as
she experiences each new rite of passage – you will be honored. You will be
remembered.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My
family is fine – growing, changing, and moving but all are healthy and
reasonably happy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m learning to be
simply grateful that I have such a great relationship with my siblings and
their families. To take things as they are and put much less stock in what they
think.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After all, they have no choice
but to be related to me and for the most part, love me as I am.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss my folks terribly. I imagine you miss
your mom, too – and that your dad is near you, lecturing everyone on exactly
how fast they should drive on any given road.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I miss our talks about our parents – what drove us crazy and our fear of
turning into them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Guess what? That shit
happens.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My
friends are good, great and everything else. Neiman just had
another clean scan – remaining cancer free two years to the day after her
diagnosis. And no, it doesn’t escape me that the date of her diagnosis is the
date of your death.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This date always
feels a bit “off” to me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time of
year is crazy for me at work – it helps to keep my mind busy but weird thoughts
creep in and I never feel quite like myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’ve
been lucky to have a summer of great time with friends both behind and in front
of me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Geek and Kooky were here a few
weeks back – good times spent poolside and the cool of the house. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I spent a weekend in the mountains with Belle,
Handy and our sweet kids - so nice to get away and have a chance to really just visit without worrying from moving from point a to point b.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am taking Mini-Me and my dear friends Geek
and Kooky to Bethany next month – and can only hope they embrace the sand, surf, Nic-o-bolis
and Thrashers fries as much as you and I did. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will visit old friends, see old hangouts and
drive roads once so familiar. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This trip
will be full of memories as I introduce Mini-Me to my old world, one in which
you were such a central character.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
will miss you but have a feeling you’ll be along for the ride.</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Neiman
visited me last weekend – a grown-up few days of shopping, eating, drinking and
just visiting. Bless her for being such a good sport and visiting me in the summer,
when my town feels like the surface of the sun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And Runner will visit again this summer with the youngest in her
flock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You know, Ro – Runner has not
aged one bit. It’s most infuriating.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
were one of the few that was never surprised by my long-lasting friendship with
her.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She’s become the religious compass
that you once were and I’m constantly reminded of you when I go to her with all
my Jewish questions – be it political, religious or a new recipe to get me
through one more Passover. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Who
are you hanging out with up there?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are
you sharing scotch and off-color jokes with my dad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is my mom complimenting your always perfect
hair?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you having coffee with her and
Big Susan? Is Jack cooking for you, offering to cook for you or making pickles?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you see some of our old classmates and
reminisce about the old days?</i></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I
miss you Rona. I miss our talks. I miss gossiping over California Chicken
Salads (and can you believe White Flint is gone?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">) </span>It never mattered whether we connected on the
phone, with a card or letter (days long before the immediacy of email or
texting) or were face-to-face in one of our regular haunts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We could be chatting, laughing or sitting in
comfortable silence.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It all worked. No
words were ever necessary.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Except
for now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Rarely a day goes by when
something does not make me think of you. I miss you. More than you will ever know.</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Love,
</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif; margin: 0in 0.5in 0.0001pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Me</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<br /></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-22666461683866166212014-02-10T18:49:00.001-07:002014-02-10T18:50:54.407-07:00My name is Randi and I can't....<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My name is Randi and I can't live up to Pinterest, Pottery
Barn or West Elm.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t live up to a
single Lifetime movie about friendship, sisterhood or the bonds between women,
women and men, sisters, brothers or those that share an obsession with a boy band.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I most certainly can’t live up to all those
perfect mom’s out there – those that create those fucking Pinterest crafts in
the first place, those who have children that never get into trouble, always do
as asked and never say anything inappropriate. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am not that mother and I most certainly do
not have that child.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I just read this <a href="http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/my-rock-bottom-mom-moment-caught-on-camera-153727765.html">awesome
post</a> about a mom who hit rock bottom.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It totally inspired me to look at myself and acknowledge my own rock
bottom. I have judged. I have acted badly. I have not understood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have made less than stellar choices that go
beyond a bad haircut and 80’s fashion <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(70’s
doesn’t count – we had fewer options.)</i> I wielded my sharp tongue and hurt
others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was less than empathetic.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t apologize.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I've been a total jackass.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In my world, the TV is probably on too often, we sometimes
eat on the run, stay up too late and my floor needs washing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m impatient, bossy and anyone who knows me
will agree that on some topics, I have very strong opinions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will admit to earning my “bitch” patch
years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I've been rock-bottom more
than once.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have forgotten.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">More than once I have forgotten a birthday, a meaningful
time or a friend in need.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so caught
up in my own bullshit that I don’t always pay attention to what is happening
around me. This happens to everyone – I know this. I just need to remember that
before I get my knickers in a twist about someone forgetting about me….that they
may be so deep in their own shit that they can’t wade over to help me with
mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To my friends, I apologize for forgetting, for forgetting that I’ve
forgotten and for what I will likely forget tomorrow.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s talk over a drink – if I can remember.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I’ve gotten on my
high horse.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yep, I’ve been there. And let’s be honest – you probably
have, too. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’d like to think the view
from up there is better…but really, it’s pretty lonely when no one wants to
share it with you. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To my friends, I’ll
walk beside you. The company is so much better that the view instantly improves.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have been more
judgey than Judy.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Yep, I’ve passed judgment. I formed opinions and sometimes
made them known.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be clear, I’m not
talking about knowing the nuances of a situation and thinking someone is taking
the wrong path. I’m talking about knowing nothing or close to that about
someone, something and deciding you still know best for them, how you would do
it better or dismiss their reaction. I’ve looked at someone else’s situation
and made an assumption – if for no other reason than to make me feel better. I should
know better. I’ve been judged long, loud and often and I hate it every fucking
time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To my friends, I promise to ask to borrow your shoes so I know what it
feels like to be you and if they don’t fit, to shut the hell up.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I’ve not taken the
time.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Sometimes, I feel like my life is the autobahn and frankly,
I am not built for speed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Geek tells me
</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjolqOwUleBM2kuOhVQIlramojNbFHjD6b8yK4SWGFdus7vlgEnW7PaV2H3u9bMdT7IkfXw3H2fnr0u569Dmxz4bejFBIJTUkBA5dbJV-Os4TWaXzOZtJbpo12Aw70zTCDJ803SsbjwxTYl/s1600/universe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjolqOwUleBM2kuOhVQIlramojNbFHjD6b8yK4SWGFdus7vlgEnW7PaV2H3u9bMdT7IkfXw3H2fnr0u569Dmxz4bejFBIJTUkBA5dbJV-Os4TWaXzOZtJbpo12Aw70zTCDJ803SsbjwxTYl/s1600/universe.jpg" height="218" width="320" /></a></div>
all the time that my weekends are busy and well-planned and then I complain I’m
exhausted and don’t have time to just be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I found myself home this weekend and really just wanted to chat with a
friend – not in a self serving way. I truly wanted to know – how were things
going? Does Lips like her new gig?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How
did Kooky do at her sleepover?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Was Geek
feeling better?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How was Crafty holding
up in the cold weather she hates so much? I wanted to thank Stretch for a
really well timed email I got last week – and let her know it made the
difference.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And Patron, we haven’t
talked in while – how are you?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I want to
stop planning to do things with friends and practice just being a friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To my
friends, I will take a deep breath and have a drink at the ready – when you
have a moment, just stop by or call and we’ll visit if even for just a few
minutes. I will drop a line or leave a message. I know it will mean something
and you’ll do the same when you can.</i><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have forgotten.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Did I already write about that?</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">I have been
impatient.</b></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I hate waiting. I’m painfully prompt – it’s a family
thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’ll circle the block to get to
the party on time so that we’re not there early. If you told my parents to come
over at six, they’d be there at five.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now, in my defense, being late is a huge pet peeve and I honestly don’t
believe there are that many valid reasons for it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, that is not the type of waiting I’m
talking about. I’m talking about waiting for the right time, the right moment,
the right deal. Waiting for things to happen or be dealt with on a schedule
that works for someone else or the bigger picture – not just for my immediate
gratification. Now, I’m not the kind that reads the end of the book first – but
I’m always in a rush to finish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">To my friends, I promise to smell the roses,
sip my drink (well, most of the time) and enjoy the journey.</i></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0veNZupM3nA0mYtzjT_4LnHLAkd2dalgLkxGBBV0wTb3_rhhGys4qACCNgEAIYAyq8wJE1QKyTejxo4gnFbqVB1rADGf-ybm9iwE8Bu_tSlkrqP-kaxME1XdtEMaoiLgMwIUL5sgVtA1f/s1600/blessingoldfriends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg0veNZupM3nA0mYtzjT_4LnHLAkd2dalgLkxGBBV0wTb3_rhhGys4qACCNgEAIYAyq8wJE1QKyTejxo4gnFbqVB1rADGf-ybm9iwE8Bu_tSlkrqP-kaxME1XdtEMaoiLgMwIUL5sgVtA1f/s1600/blessingoldfriends.jpg" height="138" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The fact that you are my friends despite my imperfections
continues to astonish me. Some of you have pulled me out of a rock bottom
moment more than once <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(many of you way more
than that.)</i> To you, I am so grateful that you stood beside me when you may
not have wanted to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You called me friend
when I was undeserving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You were your
best when I was at my worst. That you held my hand, loaned a shoulder and dried
my tears.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are things I have not
forgotten.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So my friends, in this Valentine week – I promise to be a
better friend.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will try to remember,
to be more patient. I will not judge <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(okay,
who am I kidding – let’s aim for judging less)</i> and I will catch my
breath.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, I will totally continue to support
you in your rock-bottom moments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will
sink to your level as you have sunk to mine – just so you are not alone. I will
not say “I told you so” or ask you why.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
fact, I will offer you a cocktail to celebrate because the only way to go is
up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This, I won’t forget.</span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-4148075548201175852013-12-12T20:04:00.001-07:002013-12-12T20:04:36.442-07:00In his words<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">It was one of those “share 5
things about yourself or your relationship” things on Facebook. I never
participate but love to read them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My
dear old friend, Biff, fell into the trap this week and while perusing the
comments left by his friends who followed into that hole, one really caught my eye. The candor, the choice
of words – the clear importance this person places on relationships resonated
with me for obvious reasons.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I
found really staggering is the clear connection still found in loves long gone
and the admission that each of these people – lovers or friends – have forever
altered who he is.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">I have never met this
person.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am re-posting this with his
permission. Aside from a few minor edits for easier reading and the changing
of names, <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">these are his words.</b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"> --------------------------------------------------------------</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">Share five relationship things eh?</span></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><span data-reactid=".r[5e14x].[1][3][1]{comment10152059881602629_31648512}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[0].[2]">Hmmmn...
Ok. I'm not married, or close to it, so I shall reveal some important
relationship events to me.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In
reverse:</span></span></div>
<span data-reactid=".r[5e14x].[1][3][1]{comment10152059881602629_31648512}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[5e14x].[1][3][1]{comment10152059881602629_31648512}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">5.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Abigail</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">When I left for college, I had
started dating a spunky brunette, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Abigail</i>,
a fireball with an extra tank of kerosene! I know, I know I was young- but
young love is still love! We wrote letters and talked once in a while, best of
friends with benefits, best indeed! We last talked at Easter about my birthday
in May, I was going to be flying home that day and we were going to catch up
that night. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My flight was on time. I landed at BWI. Hopped into the car
for the ride home. On the way we came across a car accident. Mangled
metal. Glass everywhere.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Somber
EMT's going about cutting a car open... I found out later that that was <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">her</i> car and that she had been struck by
a drunk driver. The tears that streamed down my face tried to fill the void in
my chest to no avail. Every birthday, I blow my long gone friend a kiss & never
have I ever driven drunk.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">4.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Tara</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">My sweet <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tara</i>, New England gal, Mayflower Blue Blood with strawberry locks.
Loving and kind: a true gem. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Six months to our dating, her mom passed
away. A year to the day of her burial, the house she and her younger
twin sisters grew up in burned to the ground. Their father lost his mind and
shut down as he fell down from all of this. Meanwhile the twins were prepping
for college. The young ones were sad, lost, hurt, confused about what
their future was going to be, where would they live, how to get buy...So
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tara</i> & I became the guardians of
twin teenage girls: signed their loans, moved them from Mass to Va, clothed
them, fed them, gave them a home and a sense of stability.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">In the process of this, we lost each other.
We lost 'us' as we became 'all of us.' It was a tough, honest move for us to
part ways, and we are better because of it. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Some years later, on the night before her
wedding, two things happened:</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><span style="mso-char-type: symbol; mso-symbol-font-family: Symbol;"></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><b>--> </b>The <i>fiance's </i>mother came to me with a ton of town folk to meet and thank me for having
been a good man to Tracy and the twins for all those years. It was humbling.
She also wrote me a lovely birthday card because my effing ex had to get
married on the first available spring day, yes my birthday..We had never met
prior and now I cannot go to Boston without saying hello.</span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
<b>--> </b></span></span></span><span data-reactid=".r[5e14x].[1][3][1]{comment10152059881602629_31648512}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3]"><span data-reactid=".r[5e14x].[1][3][1]{comment10152059881602629_31648512}.[0].{right}.[0].{left}.[0].[0].[0][3].[0].[3].[0]"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tara’s hulking
father reached over at the bar and lifted me up onto his 6'8" frame
proclaiming, 'This my friends & family that do not know is Texas! Yes, THAT
TEXAS!! This is the man that took care of my girls when I could not! This is
the man I had hoped was going to be my son in law!', Humbling and crazy all at
the same time.</span></span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">3.<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Ellen</i></b></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">Ahhhhh <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Ellen</i>! All 6'3" of javelin, discus and volleyball Latina
Amazon! </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We drove from El Paso to San Diego to go to a football game and
chill with her family only to find out that her cousin’s daughter was having
her Quinceanera that weekend. We rode with the family to Mexico City. Partied
like it was our birthday and danced til dawn! Still drunk from the night before
we went out into the city, ate and drank and drank some more. We passed out at
the house & woke in a panic: it was Sunday and we had to get back to
school. So we limped our besotted selves to the train station, boarded, napped,
woke, napped again until we arrived in Juarez and strolled to the border to
march into El Paso to eat and pass out in our bed. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It wasn't until I was in the middle of my
Physics lab at 10 the next day that I remembered that the car was still in Cali.
Some eight years later she waited for three hours to see me for 15 min at an
airplane exchange at LAX in order to meet my momma.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">2. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Lena</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lena! Lena! Lena!</i> A PhD student studying nuclear physical chemistry
from Lebanon. Whip crack smart Mediterranean beauty. She had to teach her grade
school classes from under the desks because of the constant shelling going on,
it was a civil war after all. On one of our outings with her other 'refugee
sisters' <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(a Serbian & an Iranian)</i>
we decided to stop at the Georgetown Diner for late night drunken eats. </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The
diner was busy busy busy! Amidst our joking & eating, the table behind us
started speaking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(in Arabic)</i> 'highly'
of Hezbollah: they are great... they will do so many things for our people...
they will liberate the Middle East and unify the Arabs... getting applause and
cheers from most of the room.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> <span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lena </i>started yelling back at them in
Arabic & some poor fool chimed in for her to 'shut up' in French, where all
three of the women went off, cursing every soul in the room that supported
terrorist regimes. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lena</i> hoisted
herself on top of the table to make sure EVERYONE could hear the three of them
curse the room out in Arabic, French, Farsi and English. By now, I too am
standing, waiting for the onslaught as <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lena
</i>calls them brave cowards because they are here in the US and not back at
home working towards a solution. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">At
that moment as half of the room stood up, two of DC's finest strolled in
quelling the issue by accident before it popped off.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">She finished her degree and went home to help
rebuild Beirut from the rubble it had become into the Paris of the Middle East
once again.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">1. <span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>Jacqueline</i></b></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">While in school in El Paso, I
dated & loved a young woman, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jacqueline.</i>
Long legged, West Texas, red head: Slue-Foot-Sue to my Pecos Bill. Sweet, sunny,
funny & smart. We got stuck in a highway close in Colorado due to snow and
called her ma to say we were not making it back for a few days until the pass
was clear. Her ma <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">told her</i>, “I know
he saved you when the arroyo flooded and y'all were tubing, or when you passed
out at that party before you started dating and he carried you home and slept
in a chair to make sure you were going to be ok, or for that matter the rock
climbing incident in Big Bend, or his getting stung by scorpions helping you and
Jan out of that mineshaft hole you fell into in Arizona, or the sun stroke he
stopped y'all from getting at White Sands... look <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jackie,</i> if you get pregnant we won't be mad, that's how much I love
that boy. He's done a good job thus far of keeping you safe or helping you when
you can't help yourself.' </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We should have gotten hitched, and our lives
are different because of that. My ma & pa became ill and I had to
return to DC without a true idea on a return to Texas... The two of us were heartbroken
and did not speak for several several years. While traveling to South Carolina
for a wedding, I stopped for some gas & thought I saw her drive away. 'I'm
tired', I thought to myself.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A minuet of
a minute later I heard a car crash and called 911. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We drove by the accident: a truck ran a red
light and T-boned a car, the EMT's were busy talking to the driver and cutting
the auto away. 'Whew!', 'Thankfully they are ok', I thought as I drove off. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Not being able to get <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Jackie</i> out of my head, I wrote her a letter and mailed it from the
Carolina border. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">A few months
later I received a phone call. </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As
it turned out: that was her in the accident. We were in the town next to where
she was living. She was driving down the highway thinking she had seen me at
the gas station.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span class="uficommentbody">My life is strange…fun, funny,
sad, honest, humbling, loving & strange. And I would have it no other way!</span></span></div>
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<span class="uficommentbody">-----------------------------------------------------</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So to my new friend, Texas – we may have never met but I
feel like I know you already.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">May your
journey continue to fun filled with such wonderful people, may you continue to
share your stories…and may you and your Big Susan’s laugh long and loud.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">I</span>’m having a hard
time feeling the season this year. Maybe it’s because Hanukkah was so early
that all the other fun stuff happening around me feels like background noise.
Or maybe it just feels that way because I’ve been sick since the day before
Thanksgiving and I’m so congested and clogged I feel like I’m in a tunnel. I
digress. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">This time of year is always so busy. There are so many
things going on – deadlines at work, school projects, parties, gift buying,
travel planning, visit anticipation and more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I find it so easy to say no and just hibernate because a.) Mini-me is a
home body and really loves just hanging out, and b.) I can still pretty much
prevent Mini-me from hearing about cool happenings out and about so she doesn’t
nag me to go. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But now, I want to get
out, see, enjoy and relish. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Everyone has lots of traditions this time of year. As usual,
we will repeat some, tweak a few others and cast a few aside to embrace
something new or special, even it’s only this year. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Every year, we go to the boat parade. We bundle up <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(yes people, it gets cold in Arizona)</i>
and head down to Tempe Town Lake where boat owners decorate their rides for the
holidays and then drink until dark when they then navigate down the watery
parade route while singing very off key Christmas carols.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year, we got invited to a party for the
same night.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A party where friends we
don’t see nearly often enough will gather to visit and celebrate the season. I
readily accepted…and forgot about the conflicting date. Upon this realization,
Mini-me tilted her head, pushed her glasses up and decided that we’ve seen the
parade so many times and that putting on some party clothes and seeing friends would
be well worth the break in tradition. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(Holy
shit, when did Mini get so grown up?)</i> </span></div>
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</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, this weekend we won’t go to the boat parade but we will
have some much anticipated time with friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Mini-me will be baking horse treats with her Barnstormer friends, we
will finish our holiday shopping, there will be Sunday schooling and present
wrapping.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Somewhere in there, we will be
cookie baking and chili making. I will not let any grinchiness invade our days. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Like other years, we will celebrate Christmas with my family
in CA.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will take walks; there is lots
of hot chocolate, some baking, drinking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(okay,
probably more than our fair share of that)</i> and lots of visiting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve decided to embrace the craziness that is
the season, especially in that neck of the woods, and take Mini-me to see what
happens in those communities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
breaking the tradition of Mini watching too much TV and me sitting on my ass
reading the cool catalogs and magazines that pile up and we’re going to get out
and do. I’ve got some ideas….and even if no one else is brave enough to join
us, we will embrace it. Fuck the traffic, screw the crowds - there are
beautiful decorations up, lovely music playing and amazing windows to
admire.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We will fully embrace it because
this tradition may change next year. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">And, upon our return home – the celebration for Mini and I
will truly begin. That is when our time with my Big Susan, Geek and her
mini-geek, Kooky, begins.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There will be
visiting, nonstop chatting, shopping, sleepovers, desserts before dinner, just
dancing, roller skating and lots of laughs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That is when our friends that are our family surround us – Tia Bra and
Tia Crafty <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(sisters to Geek)</i> and
their families – it’s not the holiday without being with this bunch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mini-me is already complaining she won’t be
there for Noni’s Christmas Day schnitzel but I’ve promised her we’ll make some
just for her. This is where Noni hugs Mini-me and yells at her like any of the
other grandchildren. It is where the Tia’s include Mini-me in the kids’
activities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is where I sit with my
crazy half-Mexican/half-German pseudo-sisters and gossip and laugh. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is where we send the kids outside to play,
where we all visit and catch up, where we shake our heads at how much the kids
have grown and where I realize that I’m so lucky to not only know these people
– but love them. </span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<br />
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’m excited about my time off. There are lots of projects
around the house calling my name. There is cleaning to do, organizing that has
to happen. None of it matters. I will celebrate the season – and cast those
things aside for one more visit with family or a friend, one more long walk to
admire the lights, another exhausting outing with all the kids or one more cup
of tea with Geek. I will let the Mini-Me and Kooky stay up way too late and eat
too many cookies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will not spend my
time trying to get just the right picture but instead live in the moment and
treasure the memory.</span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-31502439455480433682013-12-01T20:15:00.000-07:002013-12-01T20:15:11.690-07:00Latkes, turkey, roast beef and a side of gratitude<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoQSXZI9vT-GxhoWHqxI97Y9-WGlkAw-RHJsvFuw1JKvLf6s4LqaC8hrl3r4R73YnKMLn0PPi6FiROlZdQcHeDnr2dyKtnt0Op3annNfYHGs3pGrzUPole8xJaWgWTRkzyR8MUVSj5T3Cy/s1600/gratitude.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjoQSXZI9vT-GxhoWHqxI97Y9-WGlkAw-RHJsvFuw1JKvLf6s4LqaC8hrl3r4R73YnKMLn0PPi6FiROlZdQcHeDnr2dyKtnt0Op3annNfYHGs3pGrzUPole8xJaWgWTRkzyR8MUVSj5T3Cy/s320/gratitude.jpg" width="320" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Thanksgiving weekend dwindles to a close.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My house is quiet and feels empty now that my
family has left.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m on my fifth load of
laundry, beds are remade and the fridge is my emptier (though my wine rack much
more full – thank you Mini-mom and her husband, Gardener!!)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’re ready for the week ahead but I would be
remiss if I didn’t express some long overdue thanks for the recent days.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I know it’s that time of year when we should profess our
thankfulness and our gratitude while plotting which stores to hit and how to
beat everyone else to the sale to get that one thing we don’t really need but
have to have so that we can be thankful for it the next year. Now, I’m no
Pollyanna – I like nice things as much as the next person but I’ve really been
working on dialing it back and trying to really appreciate and use what I have.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, in that spirit I have much to be thankful for this year
– and I try to keep the gratitude greater than the grief.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’m beyond thankful that <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2013/08/life-through-lens.html">Neiman
has beat cancer</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has been a gift
to be able to support her through this journey and I’m glad I was able to be by
her side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will always be grateful that
Robert, her mighty oak, was by her side as well. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2013/07/when-mighty-rock-falls.html">I
am saddened by the loss of such a mighty oak. </a><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And while I will always appreciate the way the
stars aligned that allowed me to be there, supporting Neiman, when we said
goodbye to such an amazing man – the fact we had to say goodbye was a dark spot
in this year.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’m feeling cautiously optimistic that the bullying Mini-Me
has experienced is tapering off – or at least maybe going dormant.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The start of the school year was terribly
difficult but Mini-Me has come through stronger and braver than I could ever
have hoped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I learned how to better
support her – so she could support herself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m grateful for those that helped us along the way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I continue to be deeply bothered that the bullying exists.
That our schools don’t do enough, that they leave these children “to work it
out among themselves” and that parents don’t know or acknowledge the role their
own child may have played <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(and all the
kids involved played a role – even mine.)</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My year was made brighter by two visits with my dear friend,
Runner!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She and her sweet daughter
visited in July and just a few weeks back, she and her husband were here on
business. We were able to really visit, catch up and share more laughs than
drinks, which is just how it should be.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">As always, I relished the two visits we had with Geek and
her sweet girl, Kooky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Despite the fact
that we talk every single night <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(and have
for almost 7 years)</i>, the in-person visits allow us to connect differently.
Mini-me and Kooky play, get annoyed, laugh, shriek and don’t want to leave each
other’s side.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are all content to just
hang out in close proximity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mini-me and
I are already excited about seeing them later this month.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Belle and I took our annual September trip to the beach.
Once again, Patron and Beach were out of town and graciously let us take over
their oh-so-comfortable home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For a few
days, we beached, relaxed, shopped and just hang out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We visited with Mini-Mom and her family, took
the girls to a few new places and even enjoyed the mind-numbing ride on the 10.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m grateful for that time with friends and
that my family welcomes my friends so readily into their homes.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last Wednesday, I watched Mini-me, my nephew and niece light
the Menorah.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I heard them say the prayer
and I got tears in my eyes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I could
easily blame it on the onions that were grated for the latkes…but I won’t take
the easy way out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As we raised our
glasses – my table full of Mini-Mom, Gardener and the swimmers, my dear
neighbors and friends – the gratitude was overwhelming. So blessed to have such
good friends in my life but on a more significant note, thrilled to have
kindled the lights with my sister, with whom I have not done so in more than 20
years.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, at the end of this Thanksgiving weekend, I am most
grateful that I was joined by my sister and her family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Like many great things, our relationship has
not always been easy – we’re sisters after all. We’re as alike as we are
different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, oh how we laughed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved how the swimmers made themselves at
home.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved hearing the kids laugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved drawing with my nephew, watching
Mini-Me look up to my niece (literally and figuratively) and just hanging out.
I loved that Gardener took the time to share ideas about updating my kitchen
and even showed my some things in Home Depot that could work. I even loved our
4.6 mile Thanksgiving morning hike – despite the fact I had the worst cough and
laryngitis and could barely breathe. It wasn’t pretty but it was great.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I did miss our other siblings. We usually spend Thanksgiving
at Patron and Beach’s house but if I was going to do something different – I did
it right this year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both Neiman and the
original Big Susan celebrate their birthdays around Thanksgiving.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I miss the former and know she’s only a phone
call away…but the latter, well; I take comfort in knowing she and my mom were
together. In matching robes and drinking black coffee. I miss my mom – I made
her stuffing (though a slightly new version) but I know it would have tasted
better if she had made it without the change.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I miss the early morning call from my father. I miss my stepfather
telling me to add extra garlic to the turkey rub.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remind myself that I’m lucky to miss such
wonderful people.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Tonight, as Mini-me and I walked the dogs, she declared she
had been really lucky this weekend. She said she had delicious Hanukkah and
Thanksgiving dinners, she discovered she liked brussel sprouts <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(‘cause bacon makes everything better)</i>,
got great presents, had fun with her cousins and aunt and uncle, learned to
draw some new things, and went to some really cool places.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Very lucky my sweet Mini-me. We’re very lucky
indeed.</span></div>
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Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-59845582065506406212013-10-23T19:55:00.000-07:002013-10-23T19:57:25.836-07:00Friendship - should it virtually matter?<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I just read about someone complaining that they were tired of
reaching out to friends, doing all the work and getting nothing back. Another
bemoaned that they couldn’t believe people couldn’t take the time to “like” a picture
or post or wish someone a happy birthday. Others stated that they weren’t interested
in being friends with people who didn’t comment or interact with them as it was
viewed as spying – be it family or friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I almost nodded my head in agreement and was than horrified.
At myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have we really come to that?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I consider myself a good friend. I value the friends I have
and am grateful that they are a part of my life. Does it bother me when I don’t
hear from them? When they don’t just ring up to say hello or text a quick “how
ya doing?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To be honest, sometimes…but
then I got to thinking. Why on earth would that bother me?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Should they be bothered if I don’t check in
with them as often as they would like? If I don’t ask “how ya doing” often
enough? I sure as shit hope not.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">What I love about my friends is their humor, their wit,
their ability to say just the right thing, pour the perfect drink or just go
along for the ride. I am grateful for their shoulder when I cry and their
strong backs when I need a lift. Their potty mouths, their ability to talk me
off the ledge, or laugh with me. I love when I can help them – and return the
favors so often bestowed on me. I value their willingness to accept me in all
my imperfection – including my sometimes lax communication.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN29MporSc3ySlmj2s-_-3_-nLYCIXptcC3pmo1oSJQdNjFxBO6uINBCLFViHxhqjfMKqN724X5o_zVIhu7cneOQ2ke2jMfZ3LGyvqSeOyc0CoC1UhyZNDNnYFzQ0PywdGKom_TLhRRZI5/s1600/fishingapproval.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="111" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhN29MporSc3ySlmj2s-_-3_-nLYCIXptcC3pmo1oSJQdNjFxBO6uINBCLFViHxhqjfMKqN724X5o_zVIhu7cneOQ2ke2jMfZ3LGyvqSeOyc0CoC1UhyZNDNnYFzQ0PywdGKom_TLhRRZI5/s200/fishingapproval.png" width="200" /></a><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">With all the Facebooking, texting, Instagramming, and Tweeting,
we have this mistaken belief that every single thought we have, opinion we
voice, picture we post, or “meaningful” quote we share must be acknowledged for
us to feel valued. Trust me – that dinner you made last night – well, I hope it
was great but I can assure you it did not change my life. If I didn’t “like”
the picture, it doesn’t mean I’m not impressed by your culinary skills but that
I simply didn’t click a button.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Don’t
take it personally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Some folks have
hundreds – even thousands - of social networking friends. Do we really need to
wish each one a “happy birthday” on their big day and comment on each
post?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know about you, but I have
a job, a family and a real life that isn’t online.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’m a Facebook regular. I post, I share, I upload. I
appreciate the interaction with those who respond – I’ve learned a lot about my
friends both old and new. It’s a quick and easy way to communicate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, if I look at my friend list of 250, I
can count a handful of really good friends, some long distance friends and many
acquaintances or folks from my previous lives.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Facebook allows us to peek at each other’s lives and feel a modicum of
connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yes, even to be a bit nosy –
but admit it, there are friends on your list that you never communicate with –
you just look at the pics and maybe snicker about something you don’t agree
with.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yet there are others - <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>good friends who rarely, if ever, log on and I
have to connect with them offline and in the real world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, a comment on a post or anecdote is
nice; but when we get our knickers in a twist because someone didn’t like or
comment – well, seriously? Do we have such an inflated sense of self?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have a couple of sisters – both lurk around
on Facebook with nary a comment or like.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I can see one sister like other pictures or comments – but never
mine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never. It never even entered my
mind to hold it against her, unfriend her or use that to gauge her love for me.
Why? ‘Cause she’s my fucking sister. I can call her up and tell her about my
life. She’ll call me and tell me about hers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>She knows if there is a picture I really want her to see, I will email
it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because honestly, and this may be
shocking, but monitoring posts, liking or replying to a comment posted to the world is not a priority for everyone.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I recently joined Instagram – not because I’m so popular or
because I have even more to share but to monitor Mini Me as she starts to
navigate social networking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
immediately had people “following” me and I laughed so hard I nearly peed my
pants. I don’t even know how the fucking thing works – I’m really just trying
to practice a modicum of responsible parenting. I’m honestly not that
interesting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have no intention of
Tweeting. Frankly, no one is that interested in what I can say in140 characters or less. Even this blog –
I write because I have things I want to say but I don’t need anyone to hear me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Writing is cathartic for me. I was a journal
keeper and now I’m a blogger. Sure, I hope folks read – even enjoy it - but I’m
not offended if they don’t. Hell, I’ve got some family members that don’t even
read it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, it doesn’t mean they love
me any less. At least I don’t think so.</span></div>
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</span><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc5znnTiWWddQ6z8T6QFmT0VczvgXX505aDsapFQ9Eyldi9LyHgO2wsDmdvcrfctVd45_kOOasRp2yJk-3V5lwGZQE8GSzYIVu84SCNgJ8I9cJlECDVG4l4cSG2hfvDCNVjcXzjyzv2Lct/s1600/virtualfriends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="306" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhc5znnTiWWddQ6z8T6QFmT0VczvgXX505aDsapFQ9Eyldi9LyHgO2wsDmdvcrfctVd45_kOOasRp2yJk-3V5lwGZQE8GSzYIVu84SCNgJ8I9cJlECDVG4l4cSG2hfvDCNVjcXzjyzv2Lct/s320/virtualfriends.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Keep it real - not virtual.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But reading that Facebook exchange really made me think. I’m
sorry that folks are placing so much value on social networking interaction. I want
the people in my life to think better of themselves, to focus on real
connections – not just those online. To invite a friend for coffee, to arrange
a playdate at the park with a group of mom friends you haven’t see in a while. To
call that friend you haven’t heard from and ask how they are – even if you
leave a voicemail that isn’t returned. Find value in the real world and not the
virtual one. Stop keeping score – it’s a friendship, not a game. You either
both win or both lose.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">You see, my friends (and sisters, brothers and
sisters-in-law) – well, we’re friends despite our busy lives, crazy schedules
and time spent apart. We’re close in spite of our inability to chat often
enough or even finish an entire conversation. All those things make our time
together sweeter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So my friends, let’s pour a glass of wine and catch up. When we find time. In the meantime, don't hold it against me if I don't "like" or "comment." Know I love you and you matter. In the real world.</span></div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-47387571264394835262013-09-23T12:45:00.000-07:002013-09-23T19:38:18.283-07:00Friends are like fine wine...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Last month, my dear Brenda Starr turned the big 5-0. Last
week, another oldie but goodie, Betty, hit the same milestone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“As I told Betty, I can’t believe I’ve known you
for almost 40 years.” I can’t believe these amazing people have been in my life
that long with no legal reason to do so.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6gV91kXkiXuanNOb_psCsRV-9kie11fuFHcexkZRAX7omt_VvPkFOzFNyaIIAg90_PFym78Od5-f1eE-GJroWYFSKw8RFtFNF9z0V8T26cGoT6-OHf38Gq-bP2EZHJryZseP5N1EwR6bZ/s1600/oldfriends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="211" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6gV91kXkiXuanNOb_psCsRV-9kie11fuFHcexkZRAX7omt_VvPkFOzFNyaIIAg90_PFym78Od5-f1eE-GJroWYFSKw8RFtFNF9z0V8T26cGoT6-OHf38Gq-bP2EZHJryZseP5N1EwR6bZ/s320/oldfriends.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It’s funny to watch friends age – funny in that way that I’m
laughing with them and not at them. At least most of the time.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For Brenda Starr and me, our kids are close
in age and we’re going through many of the same things as parents. But for
Betty, well, she and her hubby, Strummer, are empty-nesters. I watched them
marry, become parents and move through those milestones with awe as I was
barely able to care for myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see
their girls as young adults – bright, beautiful and walking their own paths and
realize that when Mini-me is that age, she may need to push me in a wheelchair
down that same road.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Years ago, we would talk about going out, drinking too much
and hooking up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, we talk about
staying home, the ability to finish one drink (or three) without yelling at a
single child or getting too tired and complain about being nagged for sex, not
enough time for sex or the complete lack of sex.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Back then “hot” meant sexy, now it’s about
having your own personal summer and “Shit, can we turn the AC up in this
place?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Betty and I talked about lucky we are. Not just because
we’re healthy, happy and have great family and friends. We’re so fucking lucky
we survived – and we were good kids yet we managed to find our own brand of
trouble. We wholeheartedly admit we would kill our kids for doing what we did
and it’s totally a case of, “do as I say, not as I did.” We still have secrets
and we still laugh our asses off about them, swearing we will never tell. Then
we complain about hot flashes, aching bones and worry about aging parents.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Brenda Starr and I joke about the fact our parents let us go
to Georgetown every Saturday night until 3 a.m. – with nary a worry or thought.
What the fuck is open in Georgetown on Saturday nights? Bars are open, people,
bars. Bars with boys and OCS candidates from across the river. Her parent’s
naivete, my total lack of supervision and guaranteed access to a car made for
great opportunities for teenage mischief and we took total advantage. The
mornings after we would be exhausted and hungover and talk about the boys we
met <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">(For the record, she met great guys
who were shipping off in the service and would send her lovely letters and
trinkets while I met guys looking for a final – uh – fling before shipping
out).</i> Today, we talk about our constant state of exhaustion not from
partying too hard or too late but from work, parental worries or insomnia.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How far we’ve come. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Recently, Runner and I were talking. She mentioned some
minor ailments, I commiserated. We trade recipes, kid updates, belly issues and
moan about the high grocery prices for Passover or Jewish holiday food.
Seriously, I remember when our conversations were about cheap vodka, trying to
get into Hammerjacks and if we had enough to order from Sorrento’s and get free
delivery.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">It’s no secret that Neiman and I talk about everything under
the sun. I’ve talked about how we bonded over a road trip – well, she was
wildly hungover on that trip. I may have been – sadly, I can’t remember. We were
often hungover and making a Taco Bell run while we dissected the previous night
– war stories from assorted bars and parties.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sometimes, you sought out that “hair of the dog” remedy. Those days when
we stopped in to visit Sporty when she was tending bar – just to say hello
before we went ice skating and ended up staying all day – where Bloody Mary’s
turned to beer and then who knows what? Yeah, now we like a glass of wine with carry
out Chinese, a good movie from On Demand and to be in bed by nine. What’s
worse? We consider that a fucking awesome evening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Even Geek, who I met as a parent – our talks have gone from
babies, toddlers, park playdates and preschool, to breast cysts, insomnia and
random body hairs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My old friend Biff recently posted one of those silly cards
on Facebook<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It said, “OMG, people now in college were born
in 1995.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I liked it; I laughed. Then I
realized it has been 31 years since Biff and I met as freshman. Clearly, the
joke is on us.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My old friends and I have shared so much – the good, the bad
and the ugly. We’ve gone from </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgQ-Gcs4o1WK8LrJG1Jzym35yA3WlHOMtyUd9nNUixPWV8DeTjaQDjgnJwtUkIFtgYKkb5hdMGyKC_CjSSKKltek3p3I8sfEvwg64hxO32FECvmSpZe3kBqYlznTk8AIKtzPrM-ArlVMlZ/s1600/blessingoldfriends.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgQ-Gcs4o1WK8LrJG1Jzym35yA3WlHOMtyUd9nNUixPWV8DeTjaQDjgnJwtUkIFtgYKkb5hdMGyKC_CjSSKKltek3p3I8sfEvwg64hxO32FECvmSpZe3kBqYlznTk8AIKtzPrM-ArlVMlZ/s320/blessingoldfriends.jpg" width="320" /></a></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">kids – literally and figuratively to adults who
may simply act like children. Aging is just one more thing that holds us
together, one more thing for us to share, support, complain and laugh about.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m so glad I’m not alone in this aging
business. I know I’ll be there for my friends – I’ll keep them company at the
colonoscopy appointment, sympathize over the annual boob squeezing, commiserate
over the new aches and pains and shake my head at what those young kids are
doing today.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will relish in the perks
of adulthood - knowing that I always have wine (okay, vodka and tequila, too)
in my house, there is decent food in the fridge, the phone within reach and
Advil in the cabinet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I count on their
company, their laughter and most importantly, for one of them to wield the
tweezers for stray hairs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">We may be getting older but sometimes – we may refuse to
grow up.</span></div>
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Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-60023119351311395812013-08-15T09:57:00.000-07:002013-08-15T09:57:59.315-07:00Life through a lens<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So, Neiman had cancer. Had is the operative word.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Treatment ended in December <i>(pretty fucking
awesome Christmas present)</i> and so far, all follow-up has been clean.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Elated is an understatement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As I’ve mentioned, cancer changed Neiman in
ways I didn’t expect: she got a potty mouth and the edge is gone. She’s softer
in a way that is hard to describe but seems more content in her own skin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The journey through cancer treatment is a long and painful
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friends in chemo – the Chemo Amigos. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their bond was immediate and everlasting.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was lucky enough to meet these amazing
ladies <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-fucking-psychic-was-wrong-aka-what.html">when
I was on duty during chemo treatment #2</a> – they are amazing. There is a
certain oddity of finding such joy and humor in a chemo room but these ladies
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">I’m not their only admirer….the local news has covered them
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</span>This was written by the photographer for that magazine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He totally got it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.josephroybal.com/blog/2013/8/life-and-so-much-of-it">http://www.josephroybal.com/blog/2013/8/life-and-so-much-of-it</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">So to the photographer who saw life and so much of it
through his lens….kudos to you. I knew it was there all along.</span></div>
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Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1147880342165437038.post-1012711817503664072013-07-22T20:12:00.000-07:002013-07-22T20:13:12.103-07:00When a mighty rock falls<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<![endif]--><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">For the first time, I don’t know what to say to my Big
Susan, Neiman. You see, last night she lost one of her Big Susan’s, the
Rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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</span><br />
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Y’all know that I know what it’s like to lose a Big Susan.
I’ve talked about <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2011/06/for-rona-who-died-too-young-and-will.html">here</a>
and <a href="http://whoisyourbigsusan.blogspot.com/2012/03/heartbreak.html">here</a>
I talk about losing the original Big Susan. While that gives me an inkling of
what she is feeling and a great deal of empathy for what she is going through,
each person’s grief is their own and the loss is deeply personal.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">The Rock was her answer to all of life’s practical
questions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He helped her buy two homes,
multiple cars, computers, and assorted electronics, tools and the like. He
installed, he repaired and he tinkered. He was a second home to her late dog,
Beau and her current pooch, Grace. They didn’t go to a kennel – oh no. They
stayed with Rock in the Big House.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m
not sure who enjoyed those visits more – Rock or the dogs.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">When Mini-Me first came onto the scene, Rock help Neiman and
I see each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He got me freebies,
vouchers and discounts so I could take Mini-me to the Mile High city.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew how to thank him – I had chocolate
covered strawberries delivered to his desk. He only cared about the chocolate;
the strawberries were just a vehicle to get the chocolate to his mouth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And, the Rock was no chocolate snob –
spending lots on that really good chocolate was lost on him. He didn’t savor
every bite. He was like a kid on Easter – just munch it down with joy.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">But Rock wasn’t just there for the easy stuff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Neiman faced family angst, he was there.
When she fought her own battle with cancer, he was with her every step of the
way. Lending an ear and often a shoulder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>As she has moved through her career, every turn, every change in
navigation was done after talking to Rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When Neiman knew it was time for Beau to cross the Rainbow Bridge, Rock
was there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He held her hand, knowing she
was doing the right thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The tears
that fell night were not Neiman’s alone.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Losing a friend is so very hard. It’s a different loss than
that of a parent or family elder.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
look at yourself differently – at your own mortality and many questions race through
your head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When Neiman called me last
night she simply said, “he’s gone.” She was quiet. There were no tears – just
silence. Grief comes in many forms and shocked silence is one of them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reminded her that Beau was waiting for
him.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They are together in an old house
with a big yard and lots of things to fix.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>A man should always have a dog by his side and Rock is now with Beau. A
whole different kind of big house.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">My trip to be with her this week has been long planned – we
had planned to fill the days with girl stuff and a shared birthday visit with
Rock.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I will still be with her this week
– but our time will be different. Our visit with Rock will be goodbye. Our days
may be filled with memories and tears – perhaps some laughter will find us along
the way.</span></div>
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</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Neiman spoke to Rock every day for the last 13 years. Now,
she doesn’t know what to do. I tell her to keep talking. He’s listening. </span></div>
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</span><br />
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</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Robert Reid Blankenship 1956-2013</span></b></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">Friend to many, Big Susan to dear sweet Neiman.</span></i></div>
<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">May his memory be a blessing</span></i></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif;">To read about Robert and his extraordinary contribution to
the lives he touched, click <a href="http://www.bizjournals.com/denver/news/2013/07/22/robert-blankenship-denver-chamber.html?ana=e_du_pap&s=article_du&ed=2013-07-22&u=29033800334ea1e5bfbfe3c7b4e8e9&t=1374546864">here.</a></span>
</div>
Randihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00971167543228309109noreply@blogger.com0