I'm laughing at you...not with you.

Today is a quickie - i saw this picture and laughed my ass off.

I love to laugh with my friends. I’m also not above laughing at my friends. This picture pretty much sums it up. I’ll even admit to having been in both of these positions at one time or another.

Nothing cements a friendship more than a rousing game of jackassery that is well-played. Luckily, mine were long before mobile phones so unless you can prove it, it’s all a rumor or an oft-visited story during a game of “remember when…”

I hope you have all been face down at least once….and other times pointing and laughing out loud (I’ve been known to snort at these times.) Keeps you humble….and gives you leverage for storytelling with one’s children.

Keep laughing my friends.

You get what you deserve

I’m having a crisis of faith. Not just religiously speaking (goodness knows, that's happening, too) but in my overall belief in people.  People are mean. They are mean and selfish and arrogant. I know people (not in the urban legend sense but real people) who - on a regular basis - have treated others with something significantly less than respect or kindness, who knowingly sacrifice the feelings/reputation of others in order to get what they want and still others who call themselves friend but only if you agree with exactly what they believe.  Each one is successful, outwardly happy, materially fulfilled.  There is a saying that people get what they deserve.  Do these people get what they deserve? I suppose so – if they deserve the prize, promotions, a raise or sympathy when they make themselves the victim.  And really, I know life isn’t fair but I’m so dismayed at the way people treat one another that I’ve begun to lose faith.

Luckily, I have friends who are quick to remind me that there is decency and goodness. I know I’ve talked a lot about how great my friends are – how funny, generous, kind, etc.  And don’t get me wrong – they are all those things. But, aside from being my friends (which makes them pretty f-ing fabulous), these are some pretty cool people who have a tremendous impact on those around them.  Disclaimer:  this is not to say that my friends and I are not sometimes looked at as a-holes – see exhibit A – no one is immune from the occasional jackassery – but we do try not to make it a lifestyle.

Exhibit A:  Amazing acts of generosity between friends

My mom friends Stretch and Pixie are very close - the bond between these two women is deep.  I am not part of their inner circle and can’t really speak to what goes on between them – the nuances that make it work, how important it is or the things that annoy them about one another. They have gone beyond a shoulder, a glass of wine and a playdate – though all of those things have likely played a role in the deepening of their ties.

These are smart women, dedicated mothers and wives, friends to many. They are funny with a heavy dose of snark that I greatly appreciate. They are great fun to be around and I love that they grab any opportunity to throw back a drink or three and have a good time.  There is much to admire and like about each one individually.  But, to say they have held each other up during tough times would be an understatement. To describe their relationship as supportive is simply not enough.  To be a friend during a crisis – health, familial, etc – to help a friend and her family weather the storm and offer shelter or solution is an amazing gift.  It seems to come so naturally to them. “Of course” would be answer if they were asked – but I’m guessing they just offered and did what they felt was needed.  What was right.  They are more than friend to one another – they have become family. Figuratively and literally.  They remind me that friends are the family we choose and that I have chosen well. 

Exhibit B: Courage in the face of crisis

My friend Tinkerbell (so named because she is tiny, fast moving and just makes you smile) faced a life crisis that can only be described as devastating.  I admired the many friends that rallied around her and her family – supporting for them, praying for them and offering to do whatever was needed during this trying time.  Truly the faces of kindness during dark times.  But what is truly admirable, what really gets to me is Tinkerbell’s amazing outlook. I’m sure she has/had dark times during which tears were shed and fists clenched towards God. But her positive outlook is nothing short of inspirational. Her continued dedication to paying it forward – with her kind words, relentless push towards giving more and doing more and simply being a better person - reminds me that we each choose how to deal and react to any given situation and that we can turn something dark and scary and negative into something shiny and positive.

Exhibit C: Grace under pressure is contagious

My hip work friend, Mary Richards, really shows – on a daily basis – what it means to be professional.  Despite her own frustrations, challenges or difficulties, she makes a point to maintain a positive outlook, offering help and a shoulder to others. Every.Single.Day.  Her grace and humor (and amazing ability to bite her tongue) make her highly regarded by all. I aspire to be more like this and fall short on a regular basis.

So right when I’ve lost faith, I remind myself to look around at my friends.  They are good and kind and generous. They remind me that the human condition is not one of despair but one of optimism and decency.  I don’t want to get too Pollyanna-ish about this because my friends appreciate my inner bitch as much as I appreciate theirs but right now, I’m so grateful for each of them for reminding me that maybe we do get what we put out there.  Maybe all my amazing and wonderful friends are in my life for a reason. Maybe I’ve gotten just what I deserve. Lucky me.

Jackassery - It's elementary my dear, it's elementary

I have a history of behaving like a jackass. Not always my proudest moments but they happened, I was lucky enough to survive reasonably intact and life has moved forward.  I like to think I learned some lessons along the way.  Some friends have had their experiences with personal jackassery, too.  And really – some of my family have embraced jackassery like a religion.

Jackassery is learned. It takes practice.  Back in the day when kids just played outside–bikes, hide and seek, tag, a fair amount of potty mouth, trash talking and general mischief making – jackassery was honed and perfected.  In my ‘hood, we (me, L, T and the younger sisters) played “beep” on the hill which was really a handstand contest on a hill and you had to say “beep” when you landed.  Not the hardest game in town but we spent hours doing it.  It was the harmless fun that our parents saw.  The jackassery came later, when T and I would make splat candles. It involved matches, crayons and the curb.  We were in elementary school playing with fire – literally. And yes, both of us were told not to play with matches.  It was the early stages of jackassery.

I really wanted mini-me to experience that type of play and I’m lucky enough to live in a ‘hood where that can happen (minus the fire play though truth be told, I like that the fire station is only a block away). In the last couple of months, mini-me has become part of a neighborhood posse of two girls and three boys.  All are between 7 and 10 meaning that none of them are fully formed and that the potential for elementary jackassery is extremely high. 

Now, I’m told that with boys, this behavior is more the norm. Holy mother of boys behaving crazy – you ladies need to be EMT’s, engineers, mechanics and vending machines all rolled into one. Now, I know there are plenty of girls that fall into this category – I’m not being sexist – but mini-me and her girlfriends, while crazy active, imaginative, daring wild girls – are just more girly girls.

Some of the jackassery I’ve witnessed is quite elementary:

This isn't our kids. But it could be if we blink too long.

►  Boy pedaling bike with 15’ yellow nylon strap tied to back of bike; the other end tied to a skateboard pulling another boy.  Down the middle of the street. The boy on the skateboard careening into parked cars. Brotherly laughter ensues. 

►  Assorted kids get into back of wagon while token child pulls wagon as fast they can to pop curbs and watch kids fall out - on pavement, gravel - not grass.  Much laughter.  Now, to credit the girls – they are pulling as often as they are riding. 

Some show a real gift for it:

► Boy balances step stool on foot part of scooter, then stands on said stool so that he is driving the electric scooter from an elevated height all the way down the street, popping the curb into my driveway. If you think the girls were innocent in all this, you would be wrong. Totally cheering from the sidelines, egging him on and waiting their turn.  (To those of you thinking I’m completely irresponsible in letting this happen – I told him he was being a moron and made him stop. But I was secretly laughing.)
 

Now, the girls are not nearly as sweet as they want you to believe.

► Two boys decide they should jump in my pool because they would not be bested by 7-year old instigator telling them that the diving board really isn’t that high and she goes off it All.The.Time. The boys are ready to jump in fully clothed and the only reason mini-me didn’t was because she wanted to change into a new bikini (see, that girly-girl part.)  Now, mom of said boys likely thought I was a jackass for letting that happen but they got right out, I wrapped them in big, warm, fluffy towels and they admitted I was right, the water was too cold.  Now, c’mon, it was worth it just to hear them admit I was right. 

► I walked out front to see the girls singing – in the street – with a bucket at their feet in case cars and passerby wanted to throw money.  I’m sure cartwheels were also involved. We're afraid they liked it a little too much.

► Mini-A (the other girl in the posse) loves sidewalk chalk and I found “Party House” with an arrow pointing to my door in her handwriting. In the street. In 8’ letters.

In all honesty, these kids rock.  They are playing, running around and having fun with things that aren’t computers, television, movies or a DS.  The boy-girl thing doesn’t really come into play.  Mini-me sprawled on a sofa bed to watch The Smurfs with two of the boys last week. Mini-A  was seen yesterday standing on the foot rests of one of the boys bikes while he pedaled furiously down the street.  They are school friends, neighborhood friends. They check on one another, they watch out for one another. They helped mini-me during her first week riding the bus home – assuring me they would take care of her.  They are becoming a pack, a herd and a posse.

Like moms, like kids.  Much of the time, the mom posse and I are right there, sitting in our field chairs in my driveway, some sort of mommy juice in hand and channeling our inner trailer trash.  One of us is almost always yelling at one child or another – telling them to stop being a jackass. Then we look at each and laugh.