Today is the last evening I have to myself. I pick up
Mini-me from camp tomorrow morning (can’t wait!) It’s been a few crazy weeks at work and
tonight will likely be spent having a few cocktails with a good friend. As
delightful as that will be, what I’d really like to do is talk to Rona. You see today marks 15 years that she has
been gone.
And, as much as I would really like to sit at a bar and have
a cocktail and talk to Rona, I’m reasonably sure that talking and laughing out
loud with myself – laughing so hard I may snort – would all be frowned
upon. And just saying the words in my
head doesn’t seem the same. So, I will
write her a letter.
Dear
Ro,
How
the hell are you? I miss you like crazy.
Life has been good, bad and all the stuff in between. There
is much to tell you and much I want to know.
I have so many questions and while I know you don’t have all the
answers, you make me think differently about things and often, offer some
twisted humor to put it all in perspective.
Mini-me
is growing quickly – she would certainly be your shopping buddy. Girlfriend
loves a good bargain. While I never
forget I’m her parent, she can be quite the pal; you would love that and she
would love her tante Rona. She loves
Hebrew and Sunday school – the ritual and tradition, learning the songs and taking
pride in writing Hebrew words. I never
had that background but know it was so important to you. Each week it reinforces that giving her your
Hebrew name honors you in the best possible way. You will be there with her as
she experiences each new rite of passage – you will be honored. You will be
remembered.
My
family is fine – growing, changing, and moving but all are healthy and
reasonably happy. I’m learning to be
simply grateful that I have such a great relationship with my siblings and
their families. To take things as they are and put much less stock in what they
think. After all, they have no choice
but to be related to me and for the most part, love me as I am. I miss my folks terribly. I imagine you miss
your mom, too – and that your dad is near you, lecturing everyone on exactly
how fast they should drive on any given road.
I miss our talks about our parents – what drove us crazy and our fear of
turning into them. Guess what? That shit
happens.
My
friends are good, great and everything else. Neiman just had
another clean scan – remaining cancer free two years to the day after her
diagnosis. And no, it doesn’t escape me that the date of her diagnosis is the
date of your death. This date always
feels a bit “off” to me. This time of
year is crazy for me at work – it helps to keep my mind busy but weird thoughts
creep in and I never feel quite like myself.
I’ve
been lucky to have a summer of great time with friends both behind and in front
of me. Geek and Kooky were here a few
weeks back – good times spent poolside and the cool of the house. I spent a weekend in the mountains with Belle,
Handy and our sweet kids - so nice to get away and have a chance to really just visit without worrying from moving from point a to point b. I am taking Mini-Me and my dear friends Geek
and Kooky to Bethany next month – and can only hope they embrace the sand, surf, Nic-o-bolis
and Thrashers fries as much as you and I did. I will visit old friends, see old hangouts and
drive roads once so familiar. This trip
will be full of memories as I introduce Mini-Me to my old world, one in which
you were such a central character. I
will miss you but have a feeling you’ll be along for the ride.
Neiman
visited me last weekend – a grown-up few days of shopping, eating, drinking and
just visiting. Bless her for being such a good sport and visiting me in the summer,
when my town feels like the surface of the sun.
And Runner will visit again this summer with the youngest in her
flock. You know, Ro – Runner has not
aged one bit. It’s most infuriating. You
were one of the few that was never surprised by my long-lasting friendship with
her. She’s become the religious compass
that you once were and I’m constantly reminded of you when I go to her with all
my Jewish questions – be it political, religious or a new recipe to get me
through one more Passover.
Who
are you hanging out with up there? Are
you sharing scotch and off-color jokes with my dad? Is my mom complimenting your always perfect
hair? Are you having coffee with her and
Big Susan? Is Jack cooking for you, offering to cook for you or making pickles? Do you see some of our old classmates and
reminisce about the old days?
I
miss you Rona. I miss our talks. I miss gossiping over California Chicken
Salads (and can you believe White Flint is gone?) It never mattered whether we connected on the
phone, with a card or letter (days long before the immediacy of email or
texting) or were face-to-face in one of our regular haunts. We could be chatting, laughing or sitting in
comfortable silence. It all worked. No
words were ever necessary.
Except
for now. Rarely a day goes by when
something does not make me think of you. I miss you. More than you will ever know.
Love,
Me
